31 August 2007

Let the countdown begin

I have had it. As of next Thursday, sometime after nine a.m., I will be dragged kicking and screaming into the...what century is this? That losing a century thing every 100 years always gets me.

I live on a dead end street with ten houses. In a VERY rural area. (By choice, I might add, having learned my lesson about raising children in a big city the hard way...screwing up on my oldest.) My internet connection is dial-up and believe it or not...there are degrees of hell in dial-up. (I'm the...hey, SHE. You of the ex-catechism. How many degrees of hell?) Anyway, I'm the pits. I can't download music...hell, I can't download those little video things. I can't watch YouTube, whatever it is because HOW WOULD I KNOW?

There is nothing I can do about this. No DSL. No Verizon. No Comcast. No BellSouth. No...any of those other people who send me spam on a daily basis offering to solve all my life problems with high-speed. Not on this street.

So, hey, you wanna mess with me? Satellite. As of next Thursday. I will be COOL, as in, I will be so damn cool it's gonna curl your toes. Satellite. I'm gonna be bouncing off the stars. I am going to be so cool that when you send me pictures of your kids...I CAN OPEN THEM. I can go to foodtv.com and actually FIND the recipe I'm looking for. I will be exponentially cool and when I need to know just exactly WHY Scotland isn't a country...IT WON'T TAKE THREE HOURS.

Man, I love this shit. Off the stars.

1 comment:

City Girl said...

Catholic Hell: 3 layers
Dante Hell: 9 layers
Buddhist Hell: 18 layers

Rural Hell: 31 flavors - at least