06 September 2007

I didn't say anything about that mole on your face...

This is a funny, tongue-in-cheek email I got from a friend today:

Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and the federal government. However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March, 1948, nine months after that historic day, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Condolezza Rice, and Dan Quayle were all born. See what happens when aliens breed with sheep? I hope this information clears up a lot of things.

Now see, this brings up a point. I don't think I've ever had a bumper sticker in my life...although we know I forget this stuff so maybe I did. (But at that point in time, if I had one I'll bet it was for a bar.) So awhile back my mother saw this really neat bumper sticker and we wanted one but couldn't find it. And I'm in Office Depot one day and OH!OH!OH! They have BUMPER STICKER PAPER!! For real...you can print your own. So I drove around for a while with a bumper sticker on my car that read, "I can't believe you voted for him...God" Made me happy.
Then, B&G sent me a list of funny Bush sayings so I made myself a new bumper sticker and for about a month I drove around with a sign on my bumper reading, "They call him'W' so he can spell it." That just cracks me up.

My children attend private school. (Public school education will do that to you). And I pull into that parking lot FIVE days a week, with all those bathroom-sized SUV's with their nice little round black and white "W" stickers. And there is NO POINT IN TIME I would ever consider expressing my opinion to them about THEIR stickers. Wouldn't do it.

We were at a restaurant and I had an extra child. Her dad came to pick her up and walked into the restaurant and sat down and said, and I quote, "I tried to pull off that sticker on your car." And I said something random and he said, "Well, maybe I'll get it on the way out."

I love this boy. He is so funny at the damnedest times (we were at Rosie's once and a recently divorced friend said he liked women with minds of their own. My restaurant friend piped up and informed us he liked women on their backs with their legs spread. Out of the blue. School parents. Funniest out-of-body experience in a while.)

BUT I DIGRESS. There is no point in time I would ever bring up someone else's religious/political/child-rearing opinions if I didn't know ahead of time we were sympatico. Or at least tolerant. WHY DO THEY THINK THEY'RE RIGHT? We are in the awfullest tickfuck since Lyndon Johnson (will you people quit electing Texans president? Did you know that over 70% of Texans consider themselves Texans BEFORE they consider themselves Americans? Look it up. W DOESN'T CONSIDER YOU HIS FRIEND.) and these people keep hounding ME because I don't like the "Prayer President". (I've already explained the problem there.)

BTW. My husband's car died and he took mine and I got a new one. Just like the old one only newer. And he took off my bumper sticker. And when I asked WHY?, he informed me that because I don't work outside the home (that's another post. I don't work INSIDE the home. I have other talents.) I was entitled to an opinion, whereas he had a "real" job and had to keep his opinions to himself. Especially when they were not the same as those of his boss.

America. Love it or leave it. And I'm planted.

2 comments:

Comet Girl said...

A very good friend of mine as two new stickers recently affixed to her bathroom sized SUV reading, "1-20-09, the end of an error" and "No child left without a deficit" in case you were looking for some new material.

Country Girl said...

AH! They're on my list. You know, I think I should record this for posterity.