07 September 2007

Things I've Learned About Home IV

1. Pack the cooler FIRST. It's really hard to get the ice over the beer with that pole and the hanging-down tubing in the way. Make sure you set the cooler close to your feet because if you RAISE your arm, the drip will stop. And Oh! you're sitting there an hour and half. Make sure you stock up.

2. Air bubbles don't kill you. Now, I don't know why this is because Sherlock, Hercule and Miss Marple all KNOW that you just slip into the hospital room while the patient is sleeping and inject an air bubble into the IV and his heart explodes. But, They lied.

3. Your veins can collapse/blow up and it doesn't matter. That bitch from home health care will just show up and shove that needle somewhere else. I don't get this one, either.

4. You think you got a yeast infection from an ORAL antibiotic?

5. If you are in the Mexican restaurant in Elgin and you threaten to call the cops if the fat bitch standing next to you at the counter bumps your arm (the one with the needle, 12 inches of tubing and the surgery sock on it) one more time, she will put out her cigarette on the hood of your car. And because you are driving one-handed, you'll miss her fat ass when you try to run her down as she crosses the parking lot.

2 comments:

City Girl said...

Wait, I thought we loved the dysfunctional home health care lady?!

Is this a different twins-by-two-different-men person?

Country Girl said...

They show up every other day. A different one each time. You think the FIRST story was wild?