06 December 2007

Adeste Fideles, Dawg!

This holiday season I have come into unfortunate contact with what may be the Worst EVER Version of a Revered Christmas Classic.

My ears begin to bleed whenever I think about it. *deep breath*

So there I was enduring The Commute last night when familiar notes filled my car. I smiled. "Ah," I thought. "Ave Maria. This is Christmas."

Until the voice of Stevie Wonder - suffering from what sounded like Strep Throat - intruded on my 19th Century reverie with Latin and accompaniment SO awful, I was barely able to keep my car on the road. Here it is. Listen at your own risk.

Holy crap. Literally. Ave Maria, sung by the less talented half of Ebony and Ivory, accompanied by harp and HARMONICA.

Franz Schubert, wherever you are, on behalf of the reasonably sane portion of the human race, I sincerely apologize.

Of course, after the initial shock wore off, this train wreck of a holiday classic started me thinking: Which other Christmas songs, and sung by whom, could actually be worse than this?

Here's what I've come up with:
Silent Night as performed by Limp Bizkit
Little Drummer Boy by Lincoln Park
I'll Be Home for Christmas - Steven Tyler
Christmas in Killarney - Ice-T
Mele Kalikimaka - Yoko Ono

Scary Christmas to all and to all a good fright!

2 comments:

Tom said...

Mele Kalikimaka... Isn't that what she sang in everything she's ever done? Did it sound like someone strangling a cat with a toothbrush?

That's really the hallmark of all of Yoko Ono's verbal stroking of the eardrum.

I'm really sorry you were subjected to Stevie, the Musical Genius. Some things were just never meant for human ears.

melissa said...

Must. Not. Click. Link.