30 December 2007

I can't believe you said that

My closest group of friends is a bunch I grew up in church and school with. Our parents went to school together. Our grandparents/etc for many generations are buried in the same cemeteries. We have a SERIOUS history...we know each other's secrets. Luckily, we've forgotten most of them.

Actual conversation from dinner last night:

We were sitting in the kitchen discussing a couple who have sort of disappeared. They were there for fifty years and now all of a sudden, they're not. We miss them. We were talking about how maybe their absence has nothing to do with us; that there are internal issues going on.

"Well," says M, "you know he DOES have that problem with keeping his pants zipped up."

"Yeah," says L. "Remember, last year is when we ran into him, out in public in action."

"No," says M. "That was the year before."

We all took another drink and mused on the night we ran into our friend, in action.

"That was the H Music Festival," I asked. "Right?" (I forget things.)

"Yeah," says A. "You know, since she had that hysterectomy, AA (the wife) says she's just dead down there."

"Well, see," I said. "That doesn't make sense. You don't have to be in the mood for sex...just roll over and spread 'em."

"Hell," said A. "You don't even have to be awake."

We think she was serious.

3 comments:

City Girl said...

All that money spent on marriage counseling every year, when really this is what it all comes down to: Men want sex, women want companionship. So, guys, put down the remote, pay attention and have a conversation. Girls, roll over.

How can we turn this post into a public service announcement? Think of the divorces we could prevent.

Tom said...

City Girl is seriously trying to undermine my future career, aren't you? (Planning to be a marriage counselor up here...)

I think both of Country Girl's last sentiments would make fantastic titles. At the very least they can be chapter names..."Just Roll Over and Spread 'Em" and "You Don't Even Have To Be Awake".

That's great advice there... brilliant!

City Girl said...

Feel free to use ideas/titles for term papers next semester! :oD