03 January 2008

Oh, Lord, how many people can I offend today?

Last spring a friend with a party supply business opened the NEW AND EXCITING TELEPHONE BOOK to find out that his PSB had been left out. Totally left out as in, you can't find him because HE'S NOT IN THERE. So I sent out his party information to everyone I knew with the suggestion that they...CALL HIM.

When I did this, my sister-in-law emailed to tell me we might ought to go ahead and start thinking about renting tents and tables and linens and bells and whistles, because the last day of 2007 would be my in-laws' 50th wedding anniversary. And I just sort of fell over laughing, and made the point that I thought that the only people who still did that were Church of Christ in Greenhill whose last name was Thigpen.

At the time, it was funny. God, however, has decided that I'm not nearly as funny as I think I am so...he's up there rolling around on the clouds, laughing at me (again) because...guess what we're doing Saturday?

The in-laws' extended family is meeting at the SIL's farm, for a belated Xmas celebration. (Which, as the summons/invitation pointed out, is NOT December 25. In case I was confused.) We are also celebrating the 50th wedding anniversary with...drumroll and hysterical laughter while you point your finger at MY dumb ass...

A money tree.

A MONEY tree.

A stick in a pot. To which the invited guests will put envelopes, with names on them, full of cash. A money tree and I don't know where the book is but oh, puh-leeze...WILL SOMEONE LAY OFF THE TACKY CHAPTER? You win! You can be in the Guinness Book of World Records for tacky! We'll even give you honorable mention for poor taste!

There WILL, I am sure, be an accounting after everyone leaves. With pluses and minuses next to names. I've been thinking about it and I'm pretty sure that if, Friday night, I drink the last bottle of New Year's champagne, a fifth of cheap bourbon and most of a case of beer, eat that pound of frozen boiled shrimp and all the rest of the honey-baked ham AND throw in all the leftover savories and cheeses...I'll be sick Saturday morning.

And you know, I've had a bad year. I REALLY have to be careful with my health so I'll just hang around here and YOU ALL CAN TAKE PICTURES.

City Girl Editorial Addition: The photo. I couldn't help myself. The drapes...the chairs...the TREE. ::guffaw::

3 comments:

City Girl said...

Oh, honey, not only will an accounting be taken, but The Will shall be adjusted accordingly, to be sure.

My people also choose to roll like that. Tacky, I mean. Not only do we use money trees at all the most bless-ed events, but when a woman gets married, after she cuts the cake, she is made to remove her veil, tie on an apron and then dance with every man in the room who pins money to it. "It" being the APRON. I am convinced to this day that's where the expression "pin money" originated. Good grief.

Country Girl said...

Well, hell. As of now, I'm not going. (I took the toilet out of the downstairs bathroom today and MY, MY! I WASN'T THINKING! I need to replace it tomorrow.) But I keep looking at that picture and...I've never seen such. Never. I could take pictures.

Heather said...

What City Girl speaks of is similar to the "Money Dance" at weddings in central Pennsylvania. I was mortified when I first saw it at a wedding. Of course, I come from the land of the 2-hour wedding celebration, not any of this 10-hour crap.