15 February 2008

What Valentine's Day Means To Me...

...or WTF was I doing when this train derailed?

We once spent VD at Cafe Martinique in the Bahamas. Another time, six of us had a chef come in and prepare dinner...completely. Everything.
And then real life kicked in. Keeping in mind I'M 51 years old, my siblings are close behind me. And still we have two 27-year-olds, and then 12, two 8's, 6, 5 and 2. Years. Old. And every now and then we DO dump the entire circus and go out as adults. (Every now and then.) VD isn't one of those days...our kids LOVE their family to-do's. The 12-year-old's FRIEND'S love this family's to-do's...where else do madness, mayhem and chocolate rule the night?
Valentine's Day now consists of spaghetti at my house. Salad, bread, dessert and The Chocolate Fountain, and I have no idea what we did for entertainment BEFORE the chocolate fountain.





You take a pound and a half of chocolate, add 3/4 cup LIQUID FAT, and then heat it and let it cascade. Just in case there aren't enough life-threatening sugars and hydrogenateds running around in there, you set out bowls of cut-up doughnuts and marshmallows. There ARE bowls of strawberries, bananas, pears and apples but hey...let's go for the sugar buzz first.



As in, YOU WANNA SEE A SUGAR BUZZ?




Now THAT, my friends, is pure sugar overload.









But wait. IT GETS BETTER.

One of the things you always forget and then get reminded of year after year after year is the total joy kids (and men) get from gross bodily functions. I KNOW this, I've been listening to the same knock-knock jokes for 27 years. Doesn't matter. Each generation thinks they invented burping the alphabet and whoopie cushions. I get it. Y'all think you're funny. So WHY? please tell me, did I not think of THIS?



"This" is Flarp. You'll notice, the lid politely refers to it as "noise putty." Noise putty. Some MBA put his mind to this one. It's this really...slimy...stuff in a little plastic can. It comes in neon colors. And that's all there is to it. EXCEPT that when you take two or three fingers and shove them down into the bottom of the can, the slimy stuff oozes rapidly and makes a sound. A bodily function sound. The same sound the whoopie cushion makes but MUCH MUCH better.

We had Flarp contests. We had longest Flarp. We had loudest Flarp. We had most Flarps in 30 seconds, on a timer. Thank you, little brother, for these opportunities which brings us back to the reasons THIS FAMILY DRINKS.

They sell Flarp at Dollar General here and you really should, at some point in your life, experience farts in a can. The sheer absurdity of the action...well, some things never change. Farts in a can. The only thing more ridiculous would be if the guy who was governor while I lived in Texas got elected...oh, now SEE? That's TWO farts in a can!

1 comment:

Dory said...

I have some Flarp sitting on my desk! LOL
Dory