09 April 2008

SO Glamorous

Just in case anyone out there - Comet Girl, I know you are not among them - is deluded enough to believe that business travel is glamorous, let me go ahead and set the record straight:

Traveling for business is less enjoyable than dental work, dinner with the in-laws, an incessantly yapping peekapoo and/or Heather Mills, and the aroma of raw sewage all rolled into one.

Granted it can have its highlights, but is much more likely to be plagued by lowlights.

Like the hotel in which the windows were blown out in a freak tornado...but you still had your conference there...with black sheeting over the dome and all remaining windows so as to create a very depressing "bat cave" effect.

Newsflash: Batman was dark and brooding for a reason - Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Like the rooms on either side of you in said rather expensive (Westin) hotel which were being JACKHAMMERED a la the Expedia commercial. Dueling jackhammers all. day. long.

Like the lovely navy velvet sofa in my room. Apparently a nun decorated this hotel because the image of the consequences of sex on a navy velvet couch never occurred to her. It looked like someone had spilled Elmer's glue in obscene patterns and then attempted to wipe it off.

Gives new meaning to the term "love seat." Or maybe that was the original meaning. Eeww.

Like having to hang out and party with people you really don't like. You know what? I have friends - with them I hang out. With you, I work. You are not my friend. We've never hung out after work FOR A REASON. I don't want to hear about your china doll collection as you get sloppy on daiquiris. But thanks for sharing. :: grimace::

It doesn't matter where you work, business travel is always the same: First night, everyone on best behavior. Second night, all hell breaks loose. Third night, everyone goes to bed at 7:00 because they've been hungover and miserable all day. Fourth night, everyone is surly because they want their own beds in their own homes. Fifth night, radio silence.

The moral of this cautionary tale? The next time someone in your department or your friend has to "travel on business" don't wish it was you. Pity the fool and hand her some Airborne.


Melissa said...

Ok, thanks for the couch image. That is seared into my brain and I wasn't even there.

Comet Girl said...

AMEN! Don't forget airports that look like refugee camps in the Sudan and "Non-smoking" rooms that smell like your favorite college bar. I don't miss those days. One of the perks of having a job a monkey can do. Glad you're home. Navy couch! OMG!!!!

Dory said...

Those people that stayed in that room before you and fouled the LUSTseat? Must've stayed in the room before me in St. Louis and fouled the LUSTseat there, too. Buttholes.

Country Girl said...

Just a minute here. Just a minute. The View From The Other Side: The Big Boy travels and we have...a dilemma. You sat between other walls. You ate off other plates and oh! SOMEONE ELSE COOKED YOU A MEAL. And THEN...THEY CLEANED IT UP! Your bed made itself every morning. There was no red koolaid on your papers, your toothpaste has a cap, the towels replaced themselves and no one stepped in dog poop and walked in your room. You went to bed and your entire night's sleep wasn't interrupted one time by (pick one) the kids/dog/weather radio/phone. (Having said that, those things don't wake him up at home.) I've decided this is one of those half empty/half full...pick out the good stuff and drink the bad stuff AWAY.

City Girl said...

Not to rub it in, but those things don't happen to me at home either. Kool Aid, dog poop, weather radio, toothpaste cap....

I must lead a charmed life after all....

Country Girl said...

Oh, and that's not what you think it is on the couch. It's either spit-up, poop or milk. Just so you'll feel better.

hswilkinson said...

Depends on where you're going for travel. I went to Dayton, Ohio last November - ungodly FRAKING HELL. It's Dayton, nevermind the fact that I had a nasty allergic reaction to the hotel pool.

But then, I just got home from a business trip to Australia. I tacked on a week of vacation while I was there. :) And I may need to go back in August. Bwahahahaha!