22 May 2008

Five Guys

With apologies to Dixon Lanire Merrith and Ogden Nash.

For Heather. ::a-herm::

What a wondrous burger is Five Guys,
I don't mind it goes straight to my thighs.
The perfect creation
Of bun, meat and bacon;
Offered up with a bucket of fries.

Guess what I had for lunch today! Mm-mm!
I've decided that if I have to die, which I do, the Cause of Death listed on the coroners report will be "Bacon."

Not to revisit the sad past, but my recently departed grandmother followed a strict heart-healthy diet. No eggs, no bacon, no sausage, no cheese. And then she died anyway...of a respiratory illness. To which she was genetically prone. To which I am prone. It was a horrible, horrible way to die.

So I have decided that when my time comes, I am going out with a bang.

Since everyone must die from something, and since 'old age' is not as great a way to go as you'd think, the right way to go out is with a quick massive coronary.
Now you're here, now you're not.
My step-dad went that way, sitting at his favorite diner on his way to a long morning of fishing. Coffee, please. Bang.

I am going to, in moderation as with all things, eat bacon and eggs. And ribs. And cheese, glorious cheese. Life is short, even if you live to be 90. Think about it.
Is it worth sacrifcing ice cream dates with the kids and lovely brunches now to add another ten drooling, doddering, probably incontenent years at the end?

I don't think so. Pass the fries, please!

7 comments:

Country Girl said...

You know, I'll bet if you checked you'd find out that bacon and cheese significantly grease the lining of your lungs, to the point that it cancels out the lung disease. Red wine will keep your arteries clear.

If I didn't read that somewhere, I should have.

Comet Girl said...

God Bless the four basic food groups: grains (Beer), fruits/vegetables (Wine), Meat (Bacon) and Dairy (Cheese)!They have to be good for the Gov'ment said so.

Dory said...

One of these days I'm gonna quit smoking, but only bcus I've promised myself I'm gonna start again when I'm 65.

Tom said...

Technically, wouldn't that be going out with a sizzle?

The only reason that Dory's starting smoking again when she's 65 is that I'm starting again when I'm 80. she wants a head start on me. It's cheating is what it is. She told me that I have to live longer than her, she just wants to die first.

City Girl said...

Tom: Only if I die on the beach. :o)

fatboyfat said...

You mean a bottle of Shiraz can't be counted as one of my five portions of fruit for the day?

hswilkinson said...

MMMMMMM...FIVE GUYS. We're getting one in Colorado soon!!!!!

And there's too much tasty food to pass on in life.