11 August 2008

If You Like Pina Coladas

At this time I wish to address the women in the audience.

Guys, I refer you to the Maxim site for the duration of this post.

Something has been bothering me since I was 13 years old and I just have to get it off my chest.

Why - WHY?? - do marketers of female products - undoubtedly a unanimously male lot - believe grown women want to walk around smelling like a summer shower? Or a summer's eve, for God's sake? Whatever that's supposed to smell like. I know out here in rural America a summer evening smells a lot like a summer afternoon - ozone and chemical fertilizer topped off by diesel fumes and river water. Nice.

Given your druthers, do you really want your underarms to smell like pina colada? Or your nether regions to smell like a Jamba Juice smoothie? ......Hnugh. I think I just invented the next waxing sensation...move over Brazilian. (Copyright City Girl, thankyouverymuch).

Tell you what, twenty years ago the prospect of apple-scented undies put me off Jolly Ranchers for life. Thanks, Kotex.

Would it be so bad if women smelled like humans and not like Carmen Miranda's headdress?

Clean, soapy smells are good and if a person takes the time to administer a little basic hygiene every morning she shouldn't need a contingency of artificial forest fragrances to smell "fresh."

What's next? Here's one for you, Madison Avenue: under the heading of How to Attract a Potential Husband girls could, possibly, be convinced to wear apple-pie scented bras. Although, really it would be more appropriate for a brassiere to smell like melons, don't you think?

1 comment:

Country Girl said...

Actually, I've always figured that if you were a female looking to get lucky some night, you'd do a lot better to smear a little bacon grease behind each ear. Men LOVE the smell of bacon cooking. ;)