13 October 2008

Automatic for the People

Unfortunate observation:
We have become entirely too dependent on automatically-flushing toilets.


By "we" I mean citizens of first-world countries. By "entirely too dependent" I mean For the Love of GOD, Check Behind You When You Leave the Stall!

In the not-too distant past coming across a toilet that flushed itself was something of a novelty. Stand. Flush. Grin. Sit. Stand. Flush. Grin.

Brilliant! No more - girls, you know of what I speak - kick starting the flusher so as to avoid touching it.

Germaphobes cried with joy! The criminally OCD danced in airport restrooms!

Stand! Flush! Rejoice!

As with all things progressive, this miracle of modern hydro technology came at a cost. People - I have recently noticed what with all the traveling and associated public toilet-use - have become impossibly lazy about flushing.

It's like we've reverted back 150 years to a time when you couldn't flush because you did your business in a hole in a board 30 yards downwind from the homestead. Honestly! How quickly we regress!
I came this [ ] close to telling a woman in the Orlando airport last week that the toilet she'd just vacated failed to take care of itself and would she please get her sorry ass over here and deal with it? But I didn't. I must be mellowing in my old age.

I am the first person to admit standing in front of a public sink and thrusting my hand about under the tap waiting for the water to magically appear only to realize after a full 10 seconds that I actually had to manually manipulate a lever to get water.

Same thing with paper towels. First thing I do upon encountering a new dispenser is wave my hand in front of it and wait for it to puke paper.

These actions, however, only affect me. Other women watch and laugh. I laugh along with them.

The toilet is another matter entirely. You know what I'm talking about.

So, gentle readers, please do me - and yourselves - a favor and pass along this post encouraging everyone to check behind them as they leave a public stall. If they don't hear a flush, they need to go back and manually manipulate the lever.

I may run a contest for the best tag line.
The sailors among you have all learned the little Red Right Return ditty to remember which side of the buoy to stay on.

Maybe No Flush Return?

Flush down, turn around, walk away a winner?
Image credit: (you're going to love this) www.victoriancrapper.com

3 comments:

Dory said...

BWAhahahaha! A few months ago I wrote a post similar to this!

Country Girl said...

Oh, shit. This is me. I DON'T SIT. Wouldn't be caught DEAD sitting and if you don't sit? That button just flushes itself when the notion hits, usually mid-stream which makes for some interesting physical opportunities...Stop it? Start it? Pray for rain? I carry Clorox clean-ups and wipe the seat. My children have Germ-X in their pockets. And that STUPID toilet flushes when it senses light and what? THERE'S NO LIGHT AROUND MY ASS?

fatboyfat said...

What? You mean the toilet elves don't dispose of the discriminating evidence?

That's where I've been going wrong all these years. I must have been going through the motions.

Thanks, folks, please be good to your waitress.....