20 October 2008

WEL-come to Fantasy Island!


I realized yesterday that I lead an incredibly rich fantasy life.

No, no, no. Not involving David Tennant and Gordon Ramsay and a giant tub of chocolate pudding.

Unfortunately we're not talking kinky fantasies here, much to the disappointment of Handsome Hubster.

Mine are more along the lines of, "If I ever saw ___ again I'd tell her to go _____."

Or "Wouldn't it be awesome if I invented ______ and got to _____."

Revenge and nerd fantasies....I wonder how that plays into the Myers Briggs (Jung) personality test.

So anyway, when I work around the house on weekends the house is quiet. No teevee, no radio just me and my thoughts...which invariably turn to:

If I won an Academy Award/Pulitzer my acceptance speech would go something like, "I'd like to thank my family and friends, the committee and my fans. And I'd like to tell Elaine Borkowski who was a hideous bitch to me in high school and who today has three kids and an enormous ass, to go fuck herself. Thank you."

For obvious reasons the speech would have to be tweaked somewhat in the event I won a Nobel Peace Prize.

Another frequent topic of my revenge fantasies involves a neighbor who hates our dogs. He and Hub have had it out on more than one occasion and I went temporarily blind and deaf screaming at him through the fence last summer.

I'm not proud of that, but it did make me feel better.

In his case I would have a truckload of manure delivered to his house and dumped in his driveway. COD, of course. I'd also recruit other people on the block (who also do not like him) to rally 'round his house with pitchforks and torches and drive him out of the neighborhood.

I would also like it if a piece of the International Space Station fell on his house, but that's admittedly a bit unrealistic.

The fantasies about David Tennant and chocolate pudding are another post altogether....
BONUS: Click the image, jump to an interesting blog and a pudding recipe. Just add the Scottish hunk of your choice!

4 comments:

fatboyfat said...

Blimey. A vengeful nerd. Scary.

hswilkinson said...

Life would be so much easier if we could just nuke certain people from orbit.

Melissa said...

I dunno....David seems a little hairy for the pudding....

Dory said...

Mmmmm... pudding. *nom nom nom*

"If I ever saw Megan DeLoach again (who was a hideous bitch to me in high school) I'd tell her I am who I am, in part, because of her, so thank you."

"Wouldn't it be awesome if I invented Barney and got to burn all evidence before he was shown the light of day."

Dory