(Go back and read Saturday's post before you read this. I'm not in jail!)
That's a line from a country song and if you know the tune, it's stuck in your head for the rest of the day.
I really DO have a new best friend. She would be the attendance secretary at the middle school. When the letter came Saturday and I LOST it, everyone kept smiling because by Monday...I would be fine. I would be happy. I would handle this.
Sunday night? I was ready to KILL me some school board members. I was FURIOUS...I made more progress towards a stroke in those two days than I've made in the last 52 years.
ME. Me. Me. The Woman With No Life because...it's Monday at nine o'clock and someone in the school office realizes they need nine cakes at noon Wednesday for a principal's meeting? Two choices...call 27 people and hope you can get nine to agree to bake a cake or make ONE call...that would be to me...and it's done. Handled. Baked. In your hands. Nine cakes and I'll probably stop my DUMB ASS at WalMart and buy paper goods.
And you sent ME a letter?
This brings us to another subject and y'all!!!...Aunt City Girl is working so you need to listen to Aunt Country Girl. Pearls. The answer is pearls. Doesn't matter what the question is? Pearls. Will get you at LEAST a C and depending on the situation? You might make Scholar's Bowl.
I wear my pearls every single day of my life that I leave this house. They're not great pearls...they're just nice, tidy, round pearls. Real, but no one went diving in some tropical country to harvest these pearls...probably an oyster farm in Mexico. Matching earrings. Low key. Polite. Responsible.
Low key, polite and responsible will get you a LONG way. No matter the situation.
So Monday morning I got up and...I was still mad. I sat here all day and weighed my options...I was the high school principal's student aide his first teaching job out of college. I can go to him. The judge I'm supposed to appear before has a long history with The Big Boy and my dad (kindergarten, Little League and Boys State make a LONG history.) His soon-to-be ex-wife was my mom's student aide in another school system. This system's attorney is...first cousin to someone I DIDN'T marry but whose family is still dear to me. Or me to them. I have the potential to plead my case.
Or stop baking those damn cakes.
But in the end, on the way into town I got to thinking about what we all know...AND THIS IS NOT SEXIST...somewhere up there is some person with several letters after his name who is in charge. And then there's the high school diploma'd woman running the show.
So I threw myself on her mercy. Totally. Wearing my jeans and pearls and boring sweater and boring self and...here I am. I don't mess up on purpose. SAVE ME!!!! And since I have on pearls...I have to be harmless! And polite! And responsible! Don't I? Please save me!
She did. We are now email buddies. She is the most beautiful, intelligent, talented, gifted and wonderful person I've ever met and...I don't know her first name. But she took ONE look at the actual situation and clicked a couple of computer keys and...it was fixed. Fixed. I'm okay. I don't have to go to court. I don't have to make a stand and...take my kid out of this school system that I don't even WANT her in but do so because I feel like I'm doing the responsible thing. Public school...get your lessons while you can.
A funny...I really DO wear these pearls every day. And one day last fall I was at my friend's house in Bham for the weekend and when I left, I left my jewelry on the dresser. Got halfway home before I realized it. I called her that Monday and asked her to mail it...one necklace, two earrings and two rings...stick them in a padded envelope and I'm good.
Except that the NEXT Monday, I didn't have my pearls and I was gettin' NERVOUS. So I called her house and left a message, and my point has become legend with her 15-year-old and friends...SEND ME MY PEARLS OR I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BUY SOME MAKEUP. Because y'all...you need to listen...pearls cover up a LOT of sins. A lot. A lot.
Pearls can keep you from going to court. YOU do the math.