21 May 2009

That history thing...


When you're in school and you're learning about...I don't know, George Washington Carver or Hood's army or the instigation of the assembly line, you're always asking, "Why do I need to know this?" And at the time, it doesn't seem to make sense. Later on they tell you that if you don't remember history, it's destined to repeat itself. Specifically, the mistakes will come back to haunt you.

Well, let me tell you what you need to be paying attention to because this is the stuff of NIGHTMARES. Today? I am horrified at the revival of the SpongeBob ass. When we were in high school, everyone was really skinny and I'm not making that up. I checked the pictures. And at some point when we were about...16? Fourteen? Hip huggers were invented. And we all wore these really low-slung, big-legged pants. With "body suits," which were shirts that buttoned at the crotch so you had a long, lean line. Looking back, this is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. It made your legs look short and your hips look wide, only...we didn't have any hips so it sort of worked. Not a lot but if you look back...we still looked skinny.

Fast forward to today and OMG!!! SpongeBob ass!!! It's everywhere! If you put on "low riding" jeans, and you are bigger than a size four, your ass is square in those jeans. Don't get in front of a mirror and twist around to see...that makes your waist smaller. Get a picture of yourself straight-on from behind and...YOU HAVE A SQUARE, FLAT ASS. Doesn't matter how you're made...you look like SpongeBob!

I have yet to see ANYONE wearing low-slung jeans who didn't look like an overloaded pickup truck. Back-end dragging close to the ground and no angel in sight. (Bonnie Raitt)

What set me off? I walked into a store the other day looking for a plain pair of sandals with no glitter and no baubles and no extra accessories intended to piss me off and there, right inside the front door, no lie, was...........MAXI DRESSES.

Say it ain't so.

At least when we wore maxi-dresses, we were imitating the hippies from the decade before us. But if you think wearing an ankle-length dress in loud colors makes you look like anything other than a shower curtain that just got out of bed? Go back and look at the pictures. "What's old is new again" only works if what's old needed repeating.

Maxi-dresses and low-slung jeans got dumped for a reason. Let them rest in peace.

I'm gonna call my mama and see if she has pictures. That stuff was UGLY.

10 comments:

Nina said...

Yeah, the flub hanging over the waistband thing that all the teenagers seem to think is cool is really not attractive at all. Don't their mamas tell them "Baby, that looks terrible. Cut the tag out if you don't like the size, but you need to get a size up?" Apparently not. I always think someone must have lied to them before they left the house. And sack dresses do nothing for anyone's figure. At all. Ever.

Nina said...

And another thing. My mama would have tanned my hyde if she saw me out with my thong over my britches. That has got to be the tackiest thing I've ever seen. Talk about advertising. Just plain trashy! And I'm only 30 years old! I can't imagine what my grandma would say. I'd probably have to start CPR.

Country Girl said...

Wait...the flub hanging over the waist...The Nice Kid calls it "muffin tops." Ga-rosss.

Emily said...

I'm really disappointed that this post involved NO photos. I think I need to see "spongeBob" ass. Of course once I do, it will probably be burned into my retinas for eternity. On second thought...

Melissa said...

Yeah. Hate the maxi dress. H.A.T.E.

The Captain's Wife said...

sometimes the shit you put on here makes me laugh so hard I am afraid I am going to pee myself!

Thanks for a good laugh tonight..I needed it!

Mejis said...

I totally agree with you. Whoever decided that the world needed to wear these things again had a huge brainfart. Nothing like a fat girl wearing hip-huggers. *shudders*

City Girl said...

You're wish is my command, Em!

Emily said...

I asked for it. The picture is worth 1000 words. And then some

City Girl said...

God, I was tired when I found that picture...YOUR wish, not you're wish....

Jeez