Let me say right off...I love me some Facebook. Took a while; I didn't see the point at first but then The Nice Kid (who turned 14 Sunday!) got into it and if there's one thing I've learned the hard way as a parent it's that...you better be where your kids are. So TNK set me up an account and I was in. (I learned a lot of things the hard way as a parent and you've probably heard me say it before...don't listen to me because I'm such a genuis. Listen to me because, whatever it is? I'VE ALREADY FUCKED IT UP AT LEAST ONCE.)
I was going to be a lurker. Had the trench coat and fedora dusted off (although at this age, I left the fishnets and FMP's in the closet.) I don't really have TIME for another computer distraction, but I figured I'd be able to head off the pervert from Montana posing as a 16-year-old quarterback before he crossed Arkansas.
Never say never.
Lots of my best buds started "friending" me. I've never asked anyone to be my friend because for some reason I feel like I'm imposing, but over the course of a couple of weeks THERE THEY WERE! And it was great! My ex-neighbors from Texas with the nearly grown kids. The best friend I never see who lives three miles down the road. A couple of parent friends I adore and only see in the pick-up line. The online couple City Girl met who are like...cool. Goodness...the best of everyone and I didn't even have to shave my legs.
There were some uncomfortable moments. Apparently, there are people who are just going for the numbers, and they "friend" every friend of every friend they have. TNK showed me how to ignore them. Problem solved. I learned how to look at mutual friends, so a couple of people I wasn't sure of ended up being great entertainment when I took them on just on the basis of friends we have in common. Sort of like the prize in Cracker Jacks.
I love seeing vacation pictures. I love seeing family pictures, especially of people I just don't get to see that often. I got SO carried away with all this happiness and coolness that I fixed that link so that this blog fed into my Facebook. We were cooking.
THEN, every now and then I'd fire off a post with the F-word in the first paragraph and that's what would show on the blog. Well, I figured, fuck it. YOU asked ME to be a friend and if you did, then you already KNOW about my unfortunate mouth. Except...nice people kept asking me to be their friend. I let it slide for a couple of weeks but...nevermind. Probably not a good idea. So I unhooked the link so that the blog didn't show.
Now? I have all these friend requests from TNK's friends. I am NOT the cool mom. I WILL take you to eat at the Mexican restaurant while I have a margarita, or to the splash pad while I sit on the balcony and drink cold beer, but I've been raising small children for 29 years and my fuse is REAL short. I do NOT do crafts. I am NOT into the Children's Museum. I did the library every Thursday for nine years and no, we won't be there today. At least until The Coffee Shop gets a liquor license.
But what to do? So now I have these six or so kid friends and then last night...the preacher friended me. Now, I don't GO to church but I was christened in this church when it was a white frame building where the elementary school stands now (is this the spot where I throw in walking to school in the snow uphill both ways?) and I was there every time the doors opened for 20 years. My mother teaches Sunday school, TNK is a Sunday school assistant and The Not Nice Kid is...present. The preacher grew up with The Big Boy and my dad was his teacher for a lot of years. We have connections.
THE PREACHER? Good Lord. Literally. The preacher is my friend? Just how much housecleaning do I need to do? I thought about it and then decided...a disclaimer. I need a disclaimer. You know...like Michael Jackson had in the $22M lawsuit settlement where he did no wrong.
"I am not responsible for the content thereof." In hindisight, I've decided this is a great life motto. It should co-exist with the "55 and fuck it" post that I'll link to if I can find it. Just...chill. Please, I'm busy and tired and this house is a mess and I would really appreciate it if everyone would just...chill. It's Facebook. And it doesn't have a "delete" button.
Image Credit: TechCrunch