28 July 2009

Reasons to be thankful...

...because it CAN get worse.

Bugs don't bite me. As the parent of three girls I can tell you...technically from The Rules According to Country Girl...that bugs prefer blue-eyed people. Don't ask me why, but they do. So as a brown-eyed brunette I've never had to much worry about it. Fourth of July this year? Something happened. I have over 100 bites on my left ankle alone; that many more over the rest of my body. This Sunday I had to have a steroid shot before I ended up with ptomaine or something. (In case the bugs ate some bad fish.)

The house phone has been out since July 17. July. Seventeenth. They're laying new phone lines along the main road and...I'm not a priority. The repair guy came last night, clipped something, announced the phone repaired and left. It still doesn't work and guess what? TODAY'S HIS OFF DAY!! He'll be here tomorrow.

The Beasty Child next door, who has always been violent, beat the HELL out of The Not Nice Kid's face Sunday night. Their PIT BULL (who has already attacked the neighbor across the street while he was on his motorcycle and my kids in the backseat of MY car) was in MY yard with MY cat in HIS mouth, and when he wouldn't put it down TNNK sprayed the dog with wasp spray. Maybe not the best method but...MY YARD. At which point The Beasty Child, a boy who outweighs her by 40 pounds, started yelling at her and when she threw his tennis racket at him and told him to take it and go home (two stories here as to whether it HIT him) he knocked her to the ground and held her down while he beat her face with his fist.

Beat her face with his fist. Repeatedly.

There were TWO shouting matches out in their yard where I gave Joy, the blonde from My Cousin Earl, a run for her money. Beasty Boy's dad weighs well over 300 pounds and at one point asked me, as I stepped into his girth, "What? You're gonna take a swing at me?" I kept encouraging him to call the authorities. (Gum, damnit, I didn't have a wad of gum to smack on as I made my dire predictions.)

There WILL be a legal letter and HA! I showed them! I was the last person on the block SPEAKING TO THEM!!!

I rented a dumpster eight days ago. Spent two days furiously pulling stuff out of the garages and burning/chunking/stacking. Then I quit. It's all still out there in the driveway. Do I care?

No. And every SECOND it's out there PISSES OFF the mean dad next door who MADE his kid violent. I hate to back down.

Today is The Big Boy's 50th birthday. I have not lifted a finger. About the first year we were together, something came up about something and I made a birthday remark to be informed, "I don't put much stock in birthdays."

What?

I persevered for several years, and in spite of his complaining, he thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. His 40th birthday we all went to an historical beer garden a few miles up the road and I bought him a lovely piece of blues-themed art. (Later on, he asked if I still had the receipt so that I could return it and put the money in the bank. If you point this out, he will look offended and insist he was joking but after a while...see if I care.) So today's his birthday and I'm not a salmon willing to keep struggling upstream so I guess I'll make homemade fettucine and bread and a good salad and That Damn Cake and the kids can come. Unless of course...The Big Kid gets here early enough and we have a celebratory drink in which case...

...I could end up at the Mexican restaurant. Again. I've seen it happen ;)

8 comments:

Nina said...

You know you need to take pictures and have that kid arrested for assault and battery, right? And his parents held accountable for the behavior and the dog. Has she had a head CT? You'll want to watch her for signs of concussion, too. Spiked fever, nausea/vomiting. Poor thing. I hope she at least got a groin kick off. Keep us posted.

Melissa said...

Oh my gosh!

I can't believe that she got attacked like that. I agree; keep an eye on her and keep us posted. We'll be praying for her. :)

Mrs Zeee said...

Wow - that's awful.please keep us updated.
2 more things -
1 -bugs never bite me either (i guess i should be happy about being a brunette).
2- you have a great writing style.

Alicia said...

holy crap! i'd be in jail because i would have gone all kujo on that kids dad...that's insane!! i hope she's doing better and i hope karma gets that little jerk...

Le laquet said...

You crack me up! Did you speak to the police about them next door? I would have had to - you're a woman of rare patience if you didn't. And the dog - ugh! Pit Bulls are illegal in the UK have been for about 8 years (I could so be making that number up) under the Dangerous dogs act - scare the hell out of me.
BTW - I am a brown eyed brunette who gets bitten to death by bugs ... do you think the bugs here/in france didn't get the memo?

City Girl said...

Holy SHIT. You need to send the Sheriff (and don't tell me you aren't related to him somehow) over there just to - at least - scare the shit out of the kid. Put him in cuffs, stuff him in the back of the car and give him a talking to if he can't arrest him.

Seriously, if he gets away with this, what's next? Burning down your garage? Your house?

Ronnica said...

Bugs don't bite me either! And yes, I have brown eyes.

Donna in AL said...

Maybe it's the hair....and Alabama bugs....I am a brunette with blue eyes and I do not get bug bites but occassionally.