27 August 2009

It really IS only life...

Luckily, we still our sense of humor. Senses of humor. The ability to LAUGH AT THIS SHIT.

If you have your gallbladder out and you don't take it easy for a while...you'll have a hernia. I don't know yet...but obviously I should have left that stuff sitting in the driveway (see previous post about emptying two garages.) THEN...all these local kids start missing school because they're sick and then...YOUR kid gets sick.

Now, I gave birth to the healthiest people on the planet. These kids don't get sick. (That's why when they DO? They nearly die before anyone does anything. "Anyone" here being the mom. Me.) So a couple of days ago, when The Nice Kid started complaining of a sore throat, I handed her a Claritin, explained about pine tree pollen, and sent her on her way. Did it again the next day.

She and I were up all night long last night. She is coughing. Her head hurts. Her ears hurt. Her chest hurts. She DOESN'T have a fever. I have been Googling "swine flu symptoms" every 20 minutes all morning.

Last night she went to bed early. The Not Nice Kid had soccer practice and didn't get home until nearly eight o'clock, so I put her in the shower and she fell asleep on the couch. I dosed TNK. TNNK kicked and fought in the blankets, which is what she does ALL NIGHT LONG while she sleeps. I moved from the couch to my bed. TNK came in crying, because her chest hurt. I got up, fixed something hot and dosed her. (We won't go into the fact that I am dosing her with the only chest medication in the house...which is Coricidin for high blood pressure. Hey, down the road she'll thank me.)

And then? Then? In between the little kid and the middle kid and sick kids (The Big Kid has been sick in her house for two weeks) and the getting-elderly yellow lab who peed in the floor in the bedroom night-before-last for the FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE? Which probably means he has diabetes because he's FAT and he came in and drank water for SIXTY SECONDS?

And in between I have 30 minutes to sleep before a dog/child/sick kid gets me up AGAIN?

Guess who rolled over and wanted to be my best friend. The person I married and who got me INTO this mess...actually thought I had time for him.

Y'all...I know we're not supposed to talk about this but I was SO tired and everyone is SO sick and morning was SO close and I...started laughing. I sat up in bed and I started giggling and then I started laughing and then...all hell broke loose. This was the FUNNIEST damn place I had ever been in my life...I sleep on average three hours at a time and you want to do WHAT? I laughed until I was hiccuping and then I laughed some more.

This didn't go over well. I think I was supposed to be thinking garters and thigh-highs and all I had was...humidifiers. Best I could think of. Wasn't on the list.

Needless to say, this is a tick fuck. TNK rolled over a while ago, blew her nose into two kleenex and asked, "When do you think I'll be better?" When I explained that it just depended on what she has, she coughed for 30 seconds into the blanket and then explained, "There's a mixer tomorrow night."

I don't think she'll be dancing. I could be wrong.

3 comments:

City Girl said...

Poor Big Boy.

(okay, i tried to keep a straight face as I typed that. didn't work)

Country Girl said...

Yeah...I know the feeling ;)

Nina said...

Seriously? Why do men think that you immediately want to dole out sexual favors after you worked hard all day? And stayed up all night? Apparently we're hot underneath all that blood, sweat, and tears. I would have guffawed too.