...to paraphrase a friend.
The problem with unlimited blog fodder is that if you have it? You're either too sick or too busy to post. I spent ten hours last week thinking I was having a heart attack. I could have talked myself out of it if it hadn't been for the PAIN and the fact that TWO doctors agreed with me. And when the heart tests came back clean? They announced I must have a blood clot on my lungs.
I didn't, but one doctor and two hospital visits later, it was suggested the problem might be my gallbladder. I don't know anything ABOUT gallbladders but...how big a deal can this be? I never heard of anyone DYING from gallbladderitis so...this, too, shall pass. I'll put on my big girl panties and exercise or drink lots of water or buy a pair of Dr. Scholl's and life will be good. I'm fairly competent when it comes to stuff like this. Or I used to be.
But then, I went online to check out the problem and do you know the FIRST thing that popped up? The VERY first thing?
Bacon. No bacon.
Controlling gallbladder issues with diet involves giving up bacon, and eating shredded beets. RAW shredded beets. More than once a day. I actually COULD eat shredded beets, if I had to. But giving up bacon?
Fuck that shit. They can HAVE this sucker.
It didn't help that the diet also involves...oh, other inconsequential things like NO ALCOHOL. Or spicy food. Come ON! I am 53 years old; that means I have 53 more years to live and can you IMAGINE?? FIFTY-THREE years without bacon? Bourbon? Bouquet garni? (Okay, I had to look that one up because basil and bay leaf were all that came to mind and I didn't want to listen to the herb/spice speech.)
But come on...really. I'd eat CARDBOARD if you put bacon on it. And then last night it all came into focus when...keeping in mind it's SUMMERTIME in Alabama...we had BLT's on real sourdough for supper.
And I nearly died. I nearly died until about three o'clock this morning, when the pain finally eased enough that I fell asleep. Turns out? Tomatoes rank right up there with bacon. Heaven will be paved with summertime BLT'S; I know, I read that chapter in the bible. So obviously...this is meant to be.
Take it out. It's day surgery. It's interfering with my activities.
Hell, I divorced a HUSBAND once for lesser infractions.