20 August 2009

This is NOT my train...

Back before Christmas I had annual blood work done and when I went for the results, the doctor says, "Two of your liver markers are abnormal."

Well, DUH. You could have just asked me...you drink like I do? OF COURSE your liver is pissed. I'll drink more water or something.

Turns out, the markers weren't the markers you get from drinking...they were from taking tylenol and SAID's for 30 years. Every DAY for 30 years...excessive excercising (which I got over) and osteo will do that.

So I stopped taking that stuff and my bloodwork went back to normal.

COOL! This means I need to START DRINKING more...obviously, I'm not doing my job!

But then a couple of weeks ago I spent a couple of days popping in and out of the hospital because...no lie...I thought I was having a heart attack. More than one DOCTOR thought I was having a heart attack. It was scary as hell and then I'm in the middle of ONE sentence in my GP's office and...everything came to a screeching halt. The sentence? Contained the words "shoulder blades."

Live and learn, and don't y'all forget this and then you won't have to fork over all the cash I've parted with in the last two weeks (and I have good insurance!)

Shoulder blades=gall bladder.

Textbook. Write it down.

So I had my gallbladder out and I was better the next day but while they were in there? MY LIVER IS ENLARGED. Well now, I thought we had already addressed this? But my liver is enlarged and so while they were cutting around on stuff...they biopsied my liver.

That works. What did it say?

I have three kids, only one of whom is half-raised, and I have things to do and places to go. The last thing I needed when I went in today to have my staples out was to hear, "Stearohepatitis."

Now, we're all agreed there are a lot of letters in that word, but I'll kiss your ass if you see anything other than H-E-P-A-T-I-T-I-S. WTF? Turns out? It means "liver." Given the choice, there could be MENU ITEMS with those nine letters in the description but when I was standing there?

Let's just FREAK OUT.

Long story short? There's nothing wrong with me that a little exercising and moderation won't fix. But I have ANOTHER appointment with ANOTHER specialist and...I don't think so. I'll go, but we're changing tracks here. I AM NOT A SICK PERSON.

Ain't gonna happen. I spent several years working on a graduate degree in physical ed/nutrition and I was going to be a trainer for over-50's. Then...uh, I had a baby at an unexpected time. And then, uh, I had ANOTHER baby at an unexpected time and...I haven't seen a textbook that didn't have pictures on every page in ten years.

I think I'll dust off my skills. And stop washing down my tylenol with bourbon.

7 comments:

Country Girl said...

Oh, and they stapled me STEM TO STERN even with laparoscopy. But they fixed my gallbladder.

Alicia said...

goodness woman!! you're a hot mess!! hope you're feeling better soon!

missy said...

hope everything works out for you!!!!!!
yikes!!!!!!
relax and get well soon!!!!!!

Melissa said...

Glad to see that this has a mostly happy ending. But moderation? I'll light a candle for you.

Le laquet said...

Oh shoulder blades - yes me to! Need to see doctor *grump* and stop eating double cream and pate sandwiches washed down with lard ;o)

City Girl said...

Tylenol. That shit will flat-out kill you. And aspartame. Livers HATE aspartame.

Nina said...

Aspartame converts to formaldehyde in the liver. I read that and decided just to cut back on the cold drinks altogether. I also don't eat lite syrup. Contains sorbitol, which is one heavy-duty laxative. Ugh.