18 August 2009

What did we do before Jeff Foxworthy?

Random actions for today...

You might be a redneck if...you're on your way to WalMart to look for one of those metal containers like your grandmother had, in which to save bacon grease. You SAVE bacon grease. You know why I do.

....you rented a dumpster four weeks ago and it's still sitting in your driveway...along with all the stuff you pulled out of the garages and haven't gone through yet. (The neighbors have to LOVE this.)

...you think you'll leave the dumpster there another month and clean out the attic while you're at it.

The dumpster is pissing off the asshole guy next door SO much, you're considering getting a port-a-potty.

Your exotic tropical orchid blooms every year, without fail. Because you take it out into the Alabama humidity and set it under the overflow pipe from the air conditioning unit. And forget about it.

Your Home Depot charge card is platinum. Your Neiman Marcus card is only gold.

You might be an alcoholic if...you take the bag OUT of the box in order to drain those last two glasses.
...you're drinking wine out of a box in the first place. And damn well happy to be doing so.

You didn't have to make up anything to create this list.

8 comments:

City Girl said...

You went out to buy a special grease receptacle? That ain't redneck! I save bacon grease in a LeSeur Peas can that's about 10 years old. I just keep replacing the fat....

I Double Dog DARE you to get a port-a-potty. I'll even help pay for it.

The Peach Tart said...

Well of course I do save bacon grease but I don't have a fancy container or anything.

I love Jeff Foxworthy and this post.

Nina said...

Port-o-potty and pictures of the neighbor showing his ass over it, please!

Country Girl said...

The neighbor weighs well over 300 pounds...the next time he's outside without a shirt? I'll take a picture. But you have to sign a release before you look at it because honey...it will make you SICK.

Nina said...

I work in the Operating Room. I doubt it! But I'll sign it, no problem just to see this asshole who allowed his son to assault your daughter. What a prick.

City Girl said...

Okay, now, pictures of his prick WOULD make us sick.

Governor Jen said...

Doesn't sound redneck at all. Just seems plain 'ol practical. :-) (says the girl with a dumpster on its way to her house now)

fatboyfat said...

But surely everyone takes the bag out of the box? Don't want the good stuff to go to waste...