23 September 2009

The animals rule the roost...

The girls on THIS end of this blog are animal people. City Girl has one dog who is a local celebrity, another dog or two and then a couple of cats who...in your next life? You should live so well. I'm just sayin'.

At The Institution, we live in a constant flux of permanent, newborn and abandoned. While we currently host three dogs, five cats, a cockatiel and...OMG. That may be IT and that hasn't happened in forever. No chickens. Rabbits. Fish. Cool beans.

ANYWAY.

When The Not Nice Kid was born and she'll be ten next March, we let The Nice Kid get a puppy. She and The Big Kid brought home a darling tub of fat...Snickers, half-yellow lab/half-golden retriever. (The retriever part is recessive and I STILL think that bitch was lying.) After about two years, we shortened his name to Nick because Snickers didn't quite fit a small horse. You understand.

Nick is stubborn, opinionated and he LOVES his mama. Now, I'm not the one who feeds him; I don't brush, bathe or water him but...this boy's no dummy. He KNOWS who butters his bread and trust me...it's NOT one of The Inmates. When the chips are down, The Mama looks after things and since this dog has more smarts than any OTHER male in The Institution (cracking myself UP here!)...he knows that. (Somewhere in here is a post about when he came into what (he thought) was a burning building, after me. The dog stays.)

Every winter, he puts on a few pounds. (I've heard of that happening ;) But last winter, he put on SEVERAL pounds and then come springtime...he didn't take them off. He didn't take them off come SUMMERTIME, either; so a couple of weeks ago I realized...we need a new plan.

We always kept the dog food in a bowl in the kitchen. The Little Dogs came in a couple of times a day, ate and left. The New Plan involved...moving the food outside. TLD's can eat whenever they like...they're young and skinny, but Nick gets a new plan. Found a "special" dogfood for FAT dogs, brought it home, and...MAJOR pissed off The Nick. Bigtime.

He will go an entire day and never a touch a bite. Fat Dog Food? Kiss my ass. Ultimately, he will deign to eat enough to keep him from passing out from hunger ('scuse me, FATASS...you could probably go six months on water alone) but he makes SURE you know what a tribulation this is.

Finally, day before yesterday, he couldn't stand it anymore. I heard him in the kitchen eating. Crunching away. A few minutes later he walked into the den and sat down in front of me. When I asked if he wanted to go outside, he didn't get up so that means, "No." I made a few more comments and he never blinked or acknowledged any sort of activity.

And then I will be DAMNED if he didn't stand up, bend over between my feet and THROW UP. In the floor. In the house. Never done that in his life. THREW UP. Between my feet IN THE DEN.

I gave the $12-for-five-pounds of fat dog food to TLD's and spend $24 for five pounds of...gourmet? Better? Tastier?

No...guilt-free. Honey, I can't do any better than this and your mutt ass better start APPRECIATING some expenditure.

I'm still not believing the low animal count. I think I need to go circle the house and make sure there's not a starving mouth hanging around somewhere.

2 comments:

City Girl said...

You'll fall out when I tell you what I spend on dog and cat food.

Old cats eat Science Diet Kidney Diet - $30 for 10 lbs. Kitten eats SD kitten food because, well, why not?

The old dogs eat Wellness Mature - $55 for the larger bag...not even sure of the size, but I can carry it with ease, so it isn't THAT big.

These critters definitely eat at least as well as we do.

Country Girl said...

Joke's on me...turns out? FatDogFood makes you have to poop at night. Like...at 3:30 and five. I'm thinkin'....fat is good.