Courtesy of CometGirl
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's work boots, size 14 - 16
2. Place the boots on your front porch along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine
3. Add two giant dog dishes to the boots and magazine
4. Leave a note on the door that reads:
Bertha, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad.
I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.