* I'm going to spend next weekend in London (small part of a much larger work trip) at which time our Blogger BFF Le Laquet is going to make sure I'm well fed, by meeting me for dinner at a Pakistani restaurant.
Does an American consuming Pakistani cuisine on foreign-but-friendly soil make me an Enemy of The State? Will I be allowed to return home? Stay tuned.
* What if I go to a Persian restaurant while I'm in Frankfurt? Does Angela Merkel cancel out Mahmoud I'm-a-dinner-jacket?
* My Hamid Karzai Halloween costume totally fell through when I couldn't find the right hat.
* Thanks, Sarah Palin, now I have to burn my red fleece jacket. Bitch ruins everything.
* What's the opposite of the Midas Touch? The Palin Touch. Copyright CityGirl 2009.
* I just realized why I'm not bankrupt: I'm "too big to fail." Seriously, over the past 15 years, the more weight I've gained, the better I've done. Coincidence? I think not. Pass me a Twinkie.
* Less funny point: So Obama got the Nobel prize for peace. Let's all get over it. Have you heard of Austin Heap and Haystack? If you haven't, you should. Makes me ask myself what the hell I've done lately for the greater good.
* I'm breaking up with the mainstream media. It isn't you...it's me. Okay, yeah, it's you. Loser.
Henceforth, all information about the outside world is going to come from The Daily Show, Wonkette and The Onion. I'll be stoopider, but happier. Join me, won't you?