16 November 2009

Why Do We Do This to Ourselves?

Today is my first day at home since...a week ago last Friday.

To Hub's credit the house looks great. There is a stack of dishes in the sink that a miniature Jean Claude Killy could race down, but that's better than finding a towering helix of pizza boxes in the corner.

Got up this morning to make Hub a nice breakfast, opened the fridge...and heard an echo. Not good. Mother Hubbard's Amana was bare, baby. Ran out, on an empty stomach, at lunchtime, to buy groceries. Several hundred dollars worth of cans, bags and boxes later I was strangely still hungry.

So WHAT did I do? I drove through McDonalds. That's right. After a month of not eating fast food, months of not eating french fries and over a week of eating actual, real FOOD, Dummy consumes a Filet-o-Fish, fries and a Diet Coke.

I honestly thought I wouldn't make it home before I puked. I know, that's gross, but believe me - it WAS gross.

Nearly two hours and two tooth-brushings later I still feel like I've consumed a rancid cannon ball: My tongue burns from the sodium, I have a weird greasy film in my mouth that CANNOT be brushed away and I feel like my stomach is going to rip open a la Sigourney Weaver in Alien.

I'm done, kids. No more McDonalds for me. After a similar experience a decade ago, I swore off Taco Bell and have only been back a half-dozen times in all those years. This was just the experience I needed to divorce myself from Ronald and the Hamburglar.

Hey, Burger King, consider yourself warned, Buddy. I'm watching you.

6 comments:

Tom said...

There is something creepy about that Burger King dude. I mean, he's always THERE! And he always wants you to eat his food, it's kinda like Jonestown, except that was Kool-Aid, and they were ordered to drink, not offered... but you get the picture!

Mrs. Gamgee said...

I have that kind of relationship with Arbys. For me, even the smell of one of their restaurants can bring on the nausea... yet every once in a long while I will think I'm craving curly fries and will send my Beloved out on a mission. Why oh why?

Feel better!

Sunny said...

Creepy creepy pedophile Burger King.
If the doorbell ever rang at 2 a.m. and the creepy Burger King guy was standing there, I'm afraid I'd have my gun out.
Eeeewwww. Creepy.
I think he's a serial killer.

Alicia said...

oh man...just reading it makes me nauseous! i'm pretty sure eating that would be the death of me!

Indigo said...

As a rule, I do not eat fast food (Panera does NOT count) and I think it's been years since I've consumed what McDonald's calls food. Wait. Scratch that. We got totally lost early this summer on a hike, like 6 miles and three hours of lost. When we FINALLY found the trail that led to our car we were so freaking hungry that I ate a Quarter Pounder with fries and maybe even a root beer. But I did not like it.

Country Girl said...

Bean burritto with no red sauce & a large unsweetened tea. Taco Bell. I would probably starve to death if it weren't for these ;)