20 July 2011

Grand Theft Tomato....

Y'all, I really did this. And as soon as I get it all told to all involved???? I'm gonna fall OFF the planet laughing and just bust a GUT ;)

Normally, this corner of the universe is awash in fresh tomatoes long about now. Given the rising temperatures of the last decade? The people who normally plant tomatoes...didn't, this year. I'm one of them and...I am in WITHDRAWAL. It is TIME for some 'maters and someone/somewhere needs to be supplying The Institution. No one seems too worried about it!

I was in fresh-tomato-withdrawal vocally on Facebook, and Friend RH volunteered her dad's bounty. God bless. She called and we arranged for The Nice Kid to pick up the tomatoes at FRH's house, on her front porch, early in the morning.

TNK called me, on her way into town, asking where she was going. I knew, but how do you tell someone how to get to a place you just...know where it is? So I said, being all know-it-all, "It's up past the tennis courts. Just GPS it...HusbandFriend RH. No biggie."

She did. Got the address. Found the house. Turns out? "Up past the tennis courts" can mean the road that runs RIGHT past the tennis courts, or it can be the road that runs past the tennis courts and north. TNK's interpretation and my interpretation...weren't the same ;(

When she got there, she couldn't figure out where she was supposed to go and there were no tomatoes in a bag on the porch so...she started trying doors. None of them were open and no one came when she rang. She finally found a side door, unlocked, stuck her head in and called "HusbandFriend?" When no one answered, she stepped inside.

Just then? A strange man busts into the room shouting, "What are you doing????" and TNK started stammering. "FriendHusband?" and he nodded so she goes on: "I'm Country Girl's daughter?" Blank stare. "I'm here for the tomatoes?" Confused look as SM looks around and spies tomatoes on the counter. Neither one of them have a CLUE what they're supposed to be doing, so SM hands her the tomatoes. She leaves.

Y'all!!!!!!!!! WRONG HOUSE!!!!! For real...my child walked into a strange house and took the man's tomatoes.

Grand Theft Tomato. Oh Lord...what kind of time does THAT particular crime carry?????

Turns out, God looks out for fools and them too damn dumb to look out for themselves and...this is FriendHusband's DAD's house. So when TNK mentioned FH, there was a suggestion that this wasn't a random break-in and since TNK doesn't LOOK like she has criminal tendencies, FH's Dad didn't shoot her.

Y'all.

We stole the man's tomatoes.

Unintentionally but....entering without breaking. Taking items under false pretenses but...it was FH's DAD'S false prentense.

TNK wants to bake a cake and go back and apologize. Far as I'm concerned, just fry the bacon and get out the lettuce. Hope he never sees you in public.

Plant your own damn garden next year ;(

4 comments:

Country Girl said...

A couple of years ago we were at our annual July 4th event and a car pulled up, a couple and their baby got out and...same thing. God punishes you for laughing at other people ;)

City Girl said...

Please note that she sent me a text mid-day asking, "RH lives on FG Road, right?" Um, no. Those are her in-laws....OOPS.


Next year? We all plant tomatoes in January - thank you VM, global warming, and sell them for $10 each in March.

Merisi said...

*rofl*

Hilarious!

Now if I only knew any garden where I could steal some tomatoes for a BLT sandwich!

Comet Girl said...

Totally worth doing the time for fresh tomatoes! I get mine from my father-in-law. I stand there with a bag and he puts in a few and I stare him down. He puts in a few more and I stare him down some more. He puts in a few more and I'm like, Come On! Share the wealth!