22 October 2011

Being married on a Friday night...

There are two versions of marriage.

One is the delusional version, the version teenage girls have. You meet a good looking guy who dresses well. He likes you. He’s funny. He has a cool car. He has money to take you to dinner and a movie and then to the coffee shop. He jokes with your mom and is respectful to your dad. He knows the difference between a Phillips and a flathead. He eats mushrooms and blue cheese, and when your family cooks out at the farm he knows how to build the fire.

Then, there’s reality. Your good-looking guy weighs 100 pounds more than when you married him. He doesn’t tan anymore because of the skin cancers and when he comes downstairs on Sunday mornings while the kids are at church and cooks his breakfast naked, wearing a pair of sandals, you go get a root canal.

You plan…A Night.

The Plan…The Not Nice Kid is spending the night at a party. The Nice Kid is going to a football game. You will buy wine, and steaks. There will be real fettucine and sour dough bread. You will make the night worth his while, and the next day he will help you clean up the kids’ rooms, and paint their furniture.

The Reality:…The Nice Kid stays home. The Big Boy calls and says he’s going to the football game with his buddy. The steaks are $14.99 a pound and all fat. You have to take your dad to pick up his car at the dealership.

Nine o’clock?

You’re home by yourself. The Nice Kid got hungry and went to eat. The game is still going on and TBB is two hours out.

You and the cat go to bed.

Slam ass tickled to death ;-)

Day Two: I was trying to be nice so I scheduled TBB a massage for three o'clock today. Turns out, the second most important football game of his life comes on at 2:30, and of course I did this on purpose. Then TNK had a flat tire on her way to take her ACT.

Bourbon for breakfast is a good thing....

2 comments:

Nina said...

My plan is to hide all the Jane Austen/any other type of romance novels in the house until my daughter is at least out of college, so that she doesn't go through the properly horrified 1st 10 years of marriage I've had to adjust to! (I'm not sure even that will work, but it's worth a shot...)

Nina said...

Although, I'm not sure I wouldn't have pitched a fit about the really expensive steaks and him heading out with his friend...that's not cool.