12 May 2009

Overheard

The Scene:
The buffet table at a Mexican restaurant.

The Setup:
Everyone at the restaurant belongs to the same professional organization.

The Players:
One very frosted blonde 45-ish-year-old wearing a tight Alabama football t-shirt and tighter blue jeans. We'll call her Candy.

One brunette 45-ish-year-old wearing a long, knit, halter dress and accessories. We'll call her Ruth.

Scene 1
:: Ruth is filling her plate with rice and beans at the buffet before joining the rest of the group in the banquet hall::

:: Candy is reaching into the same pan of rice and beans before joining her friends at the bar::

:: Candy looks up and sees Ruth::

CANDY: OMG! OMG! Ruth! I didn't RECOGNIZE you!

RUTH: You didn't?

CANDY: OMG. Nooooooo.

RUTH: Um...well, I look just the same as I always have.

CANDY: No you DON'T! You SO don't!! You look GREAT!

:: crickets::

Aside: The woman digging into the pan of cheesy beef enchiladas with me stops dead. I freeze. We glance up at Candy, then at each other, drop our spoons and walk away in opposite directions. Neither wanting to witness what might come next.

Scene 2
For the next four hours, Ruth dances around the bar-area, working hard to avoid Candy. I believe if she gets too close she will stab Candy in the eye with the business end of a tortilla chip.

Candy remains oblivious, watching NASCAR (Darlington. Night race.) sucking down Bud Selects and loudly passing judgement on everyone at the bar.

END

Unfortunately, I was not in possession of the equipment necessary to flatten Candy's tires. You know, just to help along Karma a little bit.

Ruth, my sister, I'll never leave home without drywall screws again.

Image Credit: http://www.manbottle.com/picture_library/blonde_wish...

7 comments:

Country Girl said...

OMG...Candy was SO my best friend in seventh grade and I NEVER SAW IT COMING. Every single time she zapped me like that, I was surprised. Forty years later and I'm STILL scared to death of her. But we're not best friends anymore.

Kylie w Warszawie said...

I actually get that a lot. I generally chalk it up to language barriers, but I have to say that the fifieth time someone calls you fat does wear and make you not want to leave the house for days.

Ahem.

Thanks for the compliment today!

Melissa said...

OMG. That is just awful. I just don't know what to say other than what a beyotch.

Indigo said...

and she probably thought she was paying a compliment too

Mrs Zeee said...

I freakin love your blog. Karma will avail!!

Merisi said...

That picture accompanying your post is just perfect! Made me smile wide. :-)))

Le laquet said...

Watch not even a match to let the tyre pressure down or a fist to smack her in the mouth?

~mingle, mngle, mingle~