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Friday Funny

on October 31, 2008

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www.punditkitchen.com

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Implausible Deniability

Dateline: Plainesville, Oklahoma Accused needlewoman Lisa Joan Floyd made her first official statement today. It was read by her defense attorney outside the Plaine County Courthouse. "I am being persecuted because of my hobby. God and the Constitution of this exceptional nation give me the right to pursue happiness. You may not like the fact that hand-knit ombre infinity scarves and perfect balls of fingering weight Shetland wool are my happiness, but that does not diminish my right to it. I defy this court, this county, and this country to try to tread on rights established by the very founders of this exceptional nation. It is not illegal to knit in public. It is not illegal - yet - to stockpile more yarn than a person could use in a lifetime even if she spent 25 hours a day stockinette stitching on U.S. size 14 needles. Despite the ignorant tirades of pundits and so-called lifestyle journalists it is not dangerous or irresponsible to pursue fiber art in the privacy of

Oh, HELL no

Wonder what's got me fired up this morning? Here's a little hint: "Why Bosses are Right to Distrust Women Who Don't Want Children." W. T. F. Full Disclosure: I do not have children. At various points in my past - and for long intervals - it would have been entirely inappropriate for me to have had a child and so I actively avoided pregnancy. When all the stars did finally align and my life straightened out, it turned out I couldn't have children - probably was never able even when I was spending a freaking fortune on Pills. To all you Pfizer stockholders out there, You're Welcome. I also never felt that deep maternal spark that drives women to crave, to absolutely need children. I understand that I am in the minority, that many - if not most - women who can't have children feel horribly cheated and go to great lengths, at great personal risk - financial, medical, emotional, marital, you name it - to have a traditional family. I totally get that. I don

An obituary...

My dog died today. Once upon a time, I set a large pot of grease on fire on the stovetop. After I got the baby out of the house, I came back in to throw the breaker. The dog came in after me, and we ended up pulling each other out. He slept on the floor on my side of the bed every night of his indoor life. This sucks.

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