You Are Now Leaving Cougartown

Do you know what is really, REALLY just irritating the ever-lovin' crap out of me lately?

Cougars.

If you Google "cougar" the first search result has nothing to do with mountain lions. Ho, no. The first result is an ad reading, "Cougars and Younger Men: www.dateacougar.com"

I sit before you today, at my keyboard, to officially call "bullshit" on the cougar label.

We've covered this before, but it bears repeating: I am not a feminist. I believe in equal pay for equal work, but I also believe that men should open doors for women.

As someone firmly planted in the middle of the road, even I think this Cougar bullshit double-standard has gone waaaay far enough.

According to Hollywood, Madison Avenue, Mt. Olympus and wherever else the arbiters of what is socially acceptable reside, a middle-aged woman who dates a man more than a few years her junior is slapped with a title that likens her to a stone-cold predator.

BUT, a middle-aged MAN who dates a woman who is more than a few years younger, is just a Guy. A Man. Normal. Or, if anything, A Lucky Bastard.

Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.

You know, if you think about it, Older Women/Younger Men is AKT-CHEW-ALLY more logical than Older Men/Younger Women. This, THIS should be the norm.

Look at it this way, when a woman meets a man, she wants him to know what he's doing in the sack, if you know what I mean. And I know you do.

How is a 25-year-old guy supposed to learn anything from a 23 year-old girl? He SHOULD be dating a woman who 1. is in her sexual prime, as he is 2. has been around the bed a few times 3. can SHOW him what a woman wants. Dude then takes this knowledge and applies it to younger women, who then learn what good sex is. As opposed to mindless groping.

It's the circle of life. Young guy learns from older woman - young guy then teaches young girl...who eventually becomes older woman...at which point the now matured guy dumps not-so-young-anymore woman for a newer model, resulting in the more common older man/younger woman scenario. Dumped older woman - in her prime - finds new young guy who, frankly, can keep it up a lot longer, and the cycle starts over again.

Follow?

So rather than everyone enduring an entire decade (their 20s) of bad sex, young girls should date older men, while young guys date older women. The elders teach the youngers, and then everyone meets, much more satisfied, in the middle at, say, 30. People really shouldn't get married before 30 anyway.

AND nobody gets slapped with some stupid label like "Cougar."

Damn. Now I'm in the mood for a really rare hamburger. ::mmmrrrrooooowwww::