Well then, I'm just gonna write my name on the top line and turn in my paper.
This NotDrinkingInJanuary thing is...random, at this point. I can't remember why I started doing it (which might have something to do with WHY I do it;) but it doesn't hurt anything and is usually a good idea after a holiday season of excess. Those scales with the fat percentage monitor? Kiss my ass.
This year was no different...for some reason, I just do it. It didn't HURT that I had the kid funk, and Alka Seltzer Cold Plus and bourbon are not complementary. So January 1 I drank all the good bourbon ;) and then January 2, I stopped. No big deal. I drank lots of milk, which I do anyway. Didn't have any food that just SCREAMED for wine. Or a margarita. Or cold beer. Things were good.
And then, ALABAMA FOOTBALL teamed up with SNOW and threw me for a loop. If you're not from this neck of the woods? You have NO IDEA about Alabama football. You also would not BELIEVE what three-and-one-half flakes of snow can do to an economy.
Y'all, it was like God said, "You just THINK you're not declaring the National Championship a state holiday!" And then shut down the planet.
The Alabama Crimson Tide played the Texas Longhorns for the national college football championship and honey, life around here came to a blind, screeching halt. People who'd never been out of the state of Alabama hopped on a plane and flew to Pasadena, CA, to attend the single most-anticipated athletic even in the last decade. No lie. Those of us who didn't go? Had parties at the house of whomever had the biggest/nicest/newest television. Cooked massive quantities of food. And...
Drank.
Obstacle #1.
And then... And then... And THEN... No sign of Jones but then along came the snow. To the best of my memory, (and while that's not saying much I DO remember the last BIG snow; we haven't had more than two inches of snow in 20 years. We have ICE, but) the last big snow was when The Big Kid was in the first grade and she's 29 years old so...you do the math. (Not my job.)
For all practical purposes, the planet shut down. The schools closed. All extracurricular events were cancelled. The doctor's office (The Nice Kid has a brown recluse bite and we were making daily excursions for IV antibiotics) shut down. Everyone rushed out and bought milk and bread. People who don't DRINK milk ran out and bought milk and bread because...you live in Alabama and they mention "snow?" You buy milk and bread. It's like white after Labor Day...it's just the way we do things. And this, the snow, presented...
Obstacle #2.
I'm shut up in the house with The Inmates for HOW long?
Official Snow Days were Thursday and Friday. The Game was Thursday night. Coincidence? HA!!! NOT if you're from Alabama. If you're from Alabama? You KNOW that sitting fourth in line for the throne in heaven is Bear Bryant and He decreed...Holiday.
This is particularly funny because do you know why I can't say "The University of Alabama played...whatever Texas school?" I don't have a clue who the Texas Longhorns are. They could be from Bangkok for all I know. Or care.
So here we sat. The Not Nice Kid got up every two hours all night long Wednesday night, looking for snow. It started around ten in the morning and by lunchtime, we had a decent showing. Nice snowfall by afternoon. Thursday night was The Game; and we partied 'til we were purple. It's now Sunday afternoon and I haven't been out of the house yet and...aside from the 13 scarves and one toboggan I'm crocheting for the basketball team?
There is nothing I want to do.
So...hot toddies. Bloody Marys. Cold beer with smoked pork. Chianti with spaghetti and homemade bread. Cold beer with nothing. White wine with salmon steaks. Cold beer with barbecue. Cold beer with nothing. (Remember I told you...I drank all the bourbon ;)
Come tomorrow, I'll get back on track. I might even clean up my bedroom and get all those clothes off the elliptical trainer and...eyeball it. MIGHT even plug it in. And as soon as I figure out how to power the mini-refrigerator off the elliptical trainer? MAKE THAT THING EARN IT'S KEEP.
I'm just sayin'.
This NotDrinkingInJanuary thing is...random, at this point. I can't remember why I started doing it (which might have something to do with WHY I do it;) but it doesn't hurt anything and is usually a good idea after a holiday season of excess. Those scales with the fat percentage monitor? Kiss my ass.
This year was no different...for some reason, I just do it. It didn't HURT that I had the kid funk, and Alka Seltzer Cold Plus and bourbon are not complementary. So January 1 I drank all the good bourbon ;) and then January 2, I stopped. No big deal. I drank lots of milk, which I do anyway. Didn't have any food that just SCREAMED for wine. Or a margarita. Or cold beer. Things were good.
And then, ALABAMA FOOTBALL teamed up with SNOW and threw me for a loop. If you're not from this neck of the woods? You have NO IDEA about Alabama football. You also would not BELIEVE what three-and-one-half flakes of snow can do to an economy.
Y'all, it was like God said, "You just THINK you're not declaring the National Championship a state holiday!" And then shut down the planet.
The Alabama Crimson Tide played the Texas Longhorns for the national college football championship and honey, life around here came to a blind, screeching halt. People who'd never been out of the state of Alabama hopped on a plane and flew to Pasadena, CA, to attend the single most-anticipated athletic even in the last decade. No lie. Those of us who didn't go? Had parties at the house of whomever had the biggest/nicest/newest television. Cooked massive quantities of food. And...
Drank.
Obstacle #1.
And then... And then... And THEN... No sign of Jones but then along came the snow. To the best of my memory, (and while that's not saying much I DO remember the last BIG snow; we haven't had more than two inches of snow in 20 years. We have ICE, but) the last big snow was when The Big Kid was in the first grade and she's 29 years old so...you do the math. (Not my job.)
For all practical purposes, the planet shut down. The schools closed. All extracurricular events were cancelled. The doctor's office (The Nice Kid has a brown recluse bite and we were making daily excursions for IV antibiotics) shut down. Everyone rushed out and bought milk and bread. People who don't DRINK milk ran out and bought milk and bread because...you live in Alabama and they mention "snow?" You buy milk and bread. It's like white after Labor Day...it's just the way we do things. And this, the snow, presented...
Obstacle #2.
I'm shut up in the house with The Inmates for HOW long?
Official Snow Days were Thursday and Friday. The Game was Thursday night. Coincidence? HA!!! NOT if you're from Alabama. If you're from Alabama? You KNOW that sitting fourth in line for the throne in heaven is Bear Bryant and He decreed...Holiday.
This is particularly funny because do you know why I can't say "The University of Alabama played...whatever Texas school?" I don't have a clue who the Texas Longhorns are. They could be from Bangkok for all I know. Or care.
So here we sat. The Not Nice Kid got up every two hours all night long Wednesday night, looking for snow. It started around ten in the morning and by lunchtime, we had a decent showing. Nice snowfall by afternoon. Thursday night was The Game; and we partied 'til we were purple. It's now Sunday afternoon and I haven't been out of the house yet and...aside from the 13 scarves and one toboggan I'm crocheting for the basketball team?
There is nothing I want to do.
So...hot toddies. Bloody Marys. Cold beer with smoked pork. Chianti with spaghetti and homemade bread. Cold beer with nothing. White wine with salmon steaks. Cold beer with barbecue. Cold beer with nothing. (Remember I told you...I drank all the bourbon ;)
Come tomorrow, I'll get back on track. I might even clean up my bedroom and get all those clothes off the elliptical trainer and...eyeball it. MIGHT even plug it in. And as soon as I figure out how to power the mini-refrigerator off the elliptical trainer? MAKE THAT THING EARN IT'S KEEP.
I'm just sayin'.
Comments
My boss wasn't happy with me but I worked from home both days. I am not driving over an hour on possible icy roads when I can do my job sitting in my recliner!!