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SIMAAM Friday Funny

on December 02, 2011

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Last So I Married an Axe Murderer reference. I promise.

Friday Funny

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Keeping in mind I failed Math 100 THREE times...

...at this point in time, it's working for me. Took my kids to the beach a couple of weeks ago and they were all three there. Nicest vacation in I can't remember. When we made our grocery store run when we got there...they had these inner tubes. Floats. BIG round brightly colored circles...for $6.99. Cool beans! We'll float on them a day or so, they'll get holes and we'll throw them away! I LOVE me some vacation! Problem is, The Big Kid is of drinking age. Which means, every day we rented those loungers with the umbrellas and after we'd had a seafood lunch with lots of cold beer, we'd go to the beach and she and I would sit there under the umbrella and watch The Little Kids swim. And drink more cold beer. For some reason, at the beach? Cold beer goes down faster. So long about the fourth day, sometime in the afternoon, I decided I could ride that float in. I mean...how hard can it be? You go out a ways, climb up on the float, a wave comes in and you gently ...

What's the Season?

For some reason I'm having a really hard time getting into the holiday spirit this year. "It's December! It's Christmas! Fun! Food! Parties!" they say. "Meh." I say. **** So I asked myself, "What's the best way to elevate my mood?" "Alcohol?" My Cerebral Cortex and Limbic System guessed in harmony, as my liver groaned. "Ooo! Ooo! I know this one! Chocolate!" chimed in the tongue. "Shut up, all of you. The answer is music - Jeez, where have you been for the last four decades? Don't you know her at all?" snarked my tough, little heart. Onto iTunes I went last night, buying a sleigh-load of holiday music. When I looked back at the songs I'd selected, I realized they were all modern covers of Christmas classics. WHO, I ask you, doesn't love Springsteen's version of Santa Claus is Comin' to Town ? Ah, that Clarence and his new saxophone get me every time. So here's the deal: Let's us - y...

This is Potentially Going to be a War....

Then again, maybe no one will notice but me. I'm going to change my name. I am 53 years old. I grew up in the Deep South with as conservative a background as comes. I have been married for 22 years and have two children from this marriage and we have a life and a place and a routine but...WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE THIS MAN'S NAME? I mean, it's not like it's a purty name, or a distinguished name, or a meaningful name. There are some names I could see enjoying..."Lancaster" is a pretty name. "Rockefeller" would have nice connotations, as would "Astor." (I've always thought Astor had a lovely ring...maybe it's the flower, though.) Or something French...how cool would "Devereaux" be, if you're from CENTER STAR, ALABAMA?! Looking around, the family whose name I carry has only been in this area for three generations. They came here and established themselves and had a good life but...what does that have to do with me? They'...

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