-isms

I never realized just how many "isms" - colloquialisms, Americanisms, what have you - I use until I had to sit down and talk with the new boss on Friday. He is a Brit (still living in the UK) and we are absolutely divided by a common language.

It isn't that we don't understand the words coming out of each other's mouths, it's the order of the words and the you-had-to-be-there cultural references that get in the way.

So I'm trying to explain something and I catch myself saying "right off the bat."Baseball reference, but that's okay because they play cricket, baseball's granddaddy, so I'm sure he gets that...Followed immediately by "hit it out of the park." Yes, spring training is in full swing - can you tell?

Five minutes later I'm saying, "apples and oranges." Stop! Then "thrown under the bus." STOP! Finishing with "jumped the shark," which absolutely had to be explained.

Christ on a bike (as Fab Boy says) can I HAVE a conversation without saying these things? I know that everyone does it, and it's worse - EXPONENTIALLY WORSE - in the South, but using these expressions, I am convinced, lowers a person's perceived IQ by at least 20 points.

When I first moved here from the Yankee-town I kept a list of the highly amusing colloquialisms used by my new friends and colleagues. Here are a few favorites:

Slicker than cat shit on linoleum

Useless as tits on a boar hog

Hotter than a whore on nickle night

Don't know if I'm washin' or hangin'

Better pack a lunch

He took the trash out and the hogs ate him

And my personal favorite: He went up a hog's ass to get a ham sandwich.

Please leave a comment and share your favorite "-ism"!