One for you. One for me.

You go out in public, most places have two doors. Common sense says...take the door on your right. The people on the other side of the door will take the door on their right. In. Out. We live in harmony.

It's a damn good thing God put all that padding on babies. So that when the baby's TOTALLY IGNORANT PARENT decides in mid-stream that he's coming IN my OUT and that baby hits the floor after bouncing off the imitation Picasso print hanging on the wall and TOTALLY taking out the Burger King cup someone left sitting on a PUBLIC harm done.

I swear to my time I am NOT MAKING THIS UP (well, the baby bouncing part but that's just window dressing.) I was leaving a medical office today and reading a pamphlet. I do NOT touch the handles on doors in public places so as I approached the door I looked up and coming in the FIRST set of doors was a man, a woman and a baby (listed in order of threat to the gene pool.) I smiled. I turned and put my hip against MY door...the door on MY side...which would be the RIGHT side which belongs to ME, and just as I pushed it open that dad...the IDIOT carrying the baby, made a quick left move that would make Joe Namath proud and...started in my door.

There was nothing wrong with the other door. HIS door. The door to HIS right. He had just watched someone go through it. It's just that lemming mentality...they do it at my kids' school and at Cracker Barrel...that says: "Everyone else is doing it."

Yeah. And WHAT DID YOUR MAMA TELL YOU? If everyone else jumps off a bridge are you going to? Remember? Well, listen to your mama. And get the HELL on the right side. I do NOT open doors. It's not in my job description.