They're doing it to me again

Keeping in mind that, yes, I know I've made this point before, will someone please explain to me again how I, the customer and the person in control of the money, ended up the one bent over? I am 52 years old which means that my age group controls most of the money that gets spent on things in this country. But you sure couldn't tell it by the SERVICE I'M NOT GETTING.
I am not a techie. I'm not even in this century...just give it to me, show me how to plug it up and I'll go away. (Wonder why I say that: "Plug it up."? Wonder why I don't say "plug it in."?) I'll pay my bill and use my product and I won't bother you and I won't whine and I won't demand special treatment. UNTIL...
I used my last phone for nearly seven the point that I had a teenager in a restaurant ask me if it was my home phone because, umh, it was a little large. They ("they" being Verizon) tried every which way from Adam to get me to get a new one but I was happy. Very happy. And then finally, the technology phased out and the phone died and I had no choice but to get a new one. With an earpiece that worked for about three months and then didn't. Work. And with a camera and letters/numbers too small for me to read. Had no choice. Took my new phone, came home and bitched, but I was in. The kids loved it and it talks to people and I have pictures of dead armadillos on the side of the road in my PHONE. So obviously, I needed this.
Ten months later, the battery died and when I went in they told me it was defective and...get this...I HAD TO BUY A NEW ONE. I was stunned...YOU sold me a defective product and I have to pay for it? Yep...that's the way it works. (This ranks right up there with the people from Sam's who sold me peanut butter with e coli, and then charged me seventeen cents when I took it back. Or maybe fourteen cents. An exorbitant amount for TRYING TO KILL ME.) But I had no choice, I bought the battery and up this morning, six months later, and my phone won't turn on. Did all the things: took out the battery, plugged it into the car, plugged it into the house, did the voodoo dance in the instruction manual. No phone service...although that hateful old bitch across the road IS running around in the yard doing chicken calls.
So now, I'm on my way down there. To the Verizon place. I don't want THEM to know this, but I love Verizon...just hate the fucking PRODUCTS. And the SERVICE. And that gum-smacking, galvanized tub-boob, overly made-up IDIOT I'm going to have to talk to. But Verizon works everywhere and since I had the first cellphone in this family, everyone I talk to is Verizon so we all talk free.
Or as free as it gets when they don't even provide Vaseline.
Okay...this just struck me as funny. I have three mobile phones in this house. But look what's on my kitchen wall, and is the only phone that works when the power goes out.