Candy Jones

Ah, kids! There's a nip in the air, the cotton fields look like acres of bunny bums stuck up in the air and pumpkins have appeared at the farmers market.

Fall is falling and that means only ONE thing to me - Halloween Candy!

I walked into ::hangs head in shame:: The Evil Wal-Mart last weekend and could smell the newly-shelved candy corn before I ever made it past the bank of freezers.

Like a bloodhound on the trail I made a bee-line straight for the Halloween Candy Aisle. I swear I could hear trumpets, harps and the sweet voices of crooning angels as I cruised the aisle, breathing deeply. Sniiiifffff! I love me some candy corn.

Also near and dear to my heart are those widely maligned orange-and-black waxpaper-covered, low-rent peanut butter Mary Janes.

You know the ones. If ever a house was begging for a "trick" it was that of the inevitably ancient couple who passed out the orange-and-blacks. Do they have a real candy name? A proper name? Orange-and-Blacks sounds like an Irish terrorist organization.

Anyway, I think the reason I developed a taste for this candy is because the other kids - including my sister - would give away all the orange-and-blacks in their bags. They didn't even want to trade for them! They'd just fork them they were contaminating all the "good" candy...Stuck up Hershey bars....

Well, hell! Even at a tender age I knew an opportunity when I saw one! Free candy! I'll take it! Pass it over here. I'm not proud.

To this day I love the orange-and-blacks. And I feel a bit sorry for them.

Have you ever seen the Christmas episode of Friends where Phoebe is horrified to realize that the unpurchased, slightly irregular trees at the corner lot would be chipped into pulp if nobody bought them before Christmas Eve?

"But they won't fulfill their Christmas destiny!"

Same thing with the orange-and-blacks. If SOMEBODY doesn't eat them, they'll have been created in vain. I am obligated as a merciful human to consume these poor candies.

It's good karma. Not to be confused with good caramel. Nobody ever gives out good caramel.


Country Girl said…
As someone who doesn't even HAVE a sweet tooth, this pains me. Having said that, I've never even HAD an orange-and-black...I can see it interfering with the backtaste of the bourbon. Doesn't it?
Dory said…
I must confess that I, as well, have been to the evil walfart and purchased traditional halloween candy. But for decoration! I have clear glass jars with candle tops that I put the candy corn and the little pumpkins in. I just do not like the taste of them at all. Blech. Oh, and don't get me started on the most vile of all candy, the circus peanuts. I will quote Phoebe as well. "Oh, my God, this is what evil must taste like!"
Melissa said…
Ok, if those had been on that "100 food list", they would have been struck through.

I'm just sayin'...
Laurel said…
I love Mary Janes! Partly, it's because it's one of the few candies that are still actually seasonal (Christmas and Easter Candy Corns? blech), but mostly it's that I'm a peanut butter addict. I didn't eat them as a little kid because the packaging was so ugly, but I got over it. They don't seem to have them up here though - I may have to make a candy run 'cross the border. Oh yeah.
fatboyfat said…
I have very much the same attitude with single malt Scotch whisky and Christmas. "If no-one drinks it, it's twelve long year's distillation will simply have been in vain. And that's wrong, surely?"

Although I tend to pronounce it as "shurely" for some reason...
alyvalli said…
You're totally right, no one ever gives out caramel worth eating. Nevertheless, I still counsel my younger cousins to get as much candy as possible -- (I get to keep my cash for quality stuff and they get to fill up on the crap).

Also, I'm not above scarfing a bit of their candy, so I sent them this video to make sure they bone up on getting the most candy (safely of course):

How to Get the Most Halloween Candy:

Worth a refresher as they head out this evening. (Wish I could still trick or treat myself. Oh well.)