Actual quotes from the Thanksgiving cacophony

Some of these we followed up on....

" can stick your finger in his mouth and he never wakes up."

"He lost everything when Kay caught him screwing that Miss Alabama."

"Isn't it great to have a holiday that's just about food?"

"Sneak over there and turn his leg off and then let's see what happens when he stands up."

"You go get the matches. I'll talk to Grandmother."

"I tried to turn over a CD, but the bank says I'm too old to renew it."

(On Grandmother asking her 86-year-old boyfriend if he has nursing home insurance):
"Nursing home? She better be checking on a burial policy."