This is NOT in my job description. I checked.

We are going to a college football game today. If you live in this state, we are going to The College Football Game.

Country Girl hasn't done football since she was doing the quarterback in high school. There was a point to THAT; today's activities have no rhyme or reason, insofar as I can tell. The city we are driving three hours to get to has bars, restaurants and big screen teevees. I think that fills the bill.

Previous College Football Games I have attended have involved a stadium box, catered, with a bar. THIS College Football Game involves several business clients and kids. In the bleachers. With temperatures in the low-30's. Lots of kids. Kids who do NOT belong to me and who are going to be offended when I jerk them up by their collars and hiss threatening profanities in their ears when they get loud and whiney because they're COLD.

We have a plan, which involves plastic bourbon flasks and duct tape. This, I had been assured, will help alleviate the cold and I believed this until The Big Boy called from WalMart a few minutes ago. He is buying those things hunters use...those things you squeeze and they give off heat for a couple of hours.

This is not sounding doesn't even sound like something I would do if I were ALREADY drunk. But this is the Great State Past-Time and who am I to argue with tradition? If 95,000 people are doing this today then...this is fun. Right? I'm going to have a good time. Right? I'm building memories for my kids.

Right? Right?

(And that quarterback dumped me after four years so...I rest my case. Football sucks.)