Then again, maybe no one will notice but me.I'm going to change my name.
I am 53 years old. I grew up in the Deep South with as conservative a background as comes. I have been married for 22 years and have two children from this marriage and we have a life and a place and a routine but...WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE THIS MAN'S NAME?
I mean, it's not like it's a purty name, or a distinguished name, or a meaningful name. There are some names I could see enjoying..."Lancaster" is a pretty name. "Rockefeller" would have nice connotations, as would "Astor." (I've always thought Astor had a lovely ring...maybe it's the flower, though.) Or something French...how cool would "Devereaux" be, if you're from CENTER STAR, ALABAMA?!
I mean, it's not like it's a purty name, or a distinguished name, or a meaningful name. There are some names I could see enjoying..."Lancaster" is a pretty name. "Rockefeller" would have nice connotations, as would "Astor." (I've always thought Astor had a lovely ring...maybe it's the flower, though.) Or something French...how cool would "Devereaux" be, if you're from CENTER STAR, ALABAMA?!
Looking around, the family whose name I carry has only been in this area for three generations. They came here and established themselves and had a good life but...what does that have to do with me? They're not related to anyone in this county other than themselves; in spite of the fact that my husband's dad was one of eight kids, there's no one left here but my husband, his parents and a first cousin and his father...who have different last names.
If you divide the county (which is the single longest county in this state, FYI) by natural boundaries...there's a body of water that runs north to south. And I am related to most of the people on the east side of that creek. Been here a LONG time...long enough to have Indian ancestors. (Not the noble Indians, regretfully. The trashy ones.) Long enough to have a place. Long enough to be the person I grew up to be.
So why do I have a different name?
In all honesty, I never really got the hyphenated last name thing. I know a pediatrician here who uses a hyphenated name. I think Yankees do it a lot. THAT makes sense. But me? A Southern mom?
Contrary to what this sounds like, I'm not mad or contemplating divorce or turning into an Anglophile. I just...am startled every time someone calls me by this name, after 22 years. It's not mine. There's a piece of paper on my refrigerator with a quote from a website I can't remember (which you should visit when my friend Brad gets back from vacation and reminds me what it is and I tell you) that says, "We forget at times (isn't it funny how life sneaks up & steals your memory of who you want to be?)"
Sorry, but I'm done. And as soon as I have a spare hour, I'm going to go to the courthouse and find out what's involved and pay the fee and have my real name and my married name, hyphenated, made my legal name. A concession to my children.
It's entirely possible I've lost my mind, but this just feels right. No idea why, but this is done.Maybe it will be a good day and they'll be giving away free coffee pots for people who change their names. Sort of like opening up a new bank account!
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I kept both names, but with a space, no hyphen. It just felt better to me than losing my name. My family thought I was nuts. I do think it's funny you mention this, because my 4-year old just realized I have "two last names" and thinks it's a riot. Every night he asks me what my full name is and giggles and giggles.
The first time I hyphenated.
The second time I hyphenated, but never changed from my maiden name on credit cards, leases, etc.
The third time I got married at 35, and I didn't bother with his last name. It is an extremely common (in these parts) last name, and there are already two or three "CityGirl Jonses" in town. They don't need another.
On the other hand, I'm the only person for at least 50 miles with this particular ethnic name, so EVERYBODY knows me by my "unusual" maiden name.
Hub doesn't care, and if he did, I don't know that I would have married him....
"It’s only your name that is my enemy;
You are yourself, not even a Montague.
What's “Montague?” It is not a hand, or a foot,
Or an arm, or a face, or any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
Would smell as sweet if it had any other name.
So Romeo, if he wasn’t called “Romeo,” would
Retain that dear perfection which he has
Without that title. Romeo, throw your name away;
And for that name, which isn’t part of you,
Take all of me." SHAKESPEARE
I said I'd probably keep my own name; I didn't. I am just petty enough to enjoy when people look surprised to see that I am Asian when they meet me for the first time, since my married surname is Wilson :)
I think you should use whatever name makes you feel most "you" and who cares if anyone thinks you've lost your mind!
:: late to the Mingle! ::
Like you guys, my name is well known where I live and my family has been in this county since at least the 1700's and I wanted it back since I have been divorced.
(and while you're at it, add something cool like "van" in your name so you can wear a cape or a leather vest and get away with it)
Most of my friends are still carrying around the name they were born with, and they just fight about what last name to give the kids.
I always say that if I ever make it big in life, I'm doing under my first and middle names. Because that is truly ME
Lora Neely. Watch for it, it may be in lights sometime soon!