Picture if you will, a Woman squeezed into the middle of the middle of a Boeing 767.Her iPod craps out just as the stewardess announces that she can only accept cash - exact change, please - for the purchase of real lunches today.
If you do not have exactly $7 and are hungry, you'll just have to cannibalize your neighbor. Bon Appétit.
At least the woman is in an aisle seat. Things could be worse.
You think? At this point the Japanese businessman sitting in front of her gets up, and stands with his back turned to her, less than a laptop-length away.
She's sitting, he's standing...with his back to her...you can imagine the physical positioning of his lower body in relation to her....head.
Without warning or discretion, Japanese Businessman reaches around and inserts his entire left forearm up his backside, grips the seam of his pinstriped boxers and retrieves them from his pelvic cavity.
This must come as a relief because he does a little wiggle afterward. A wiggle. In the aisle.
Then, hey, while he's up, he reaches BACK around - swinging his elbow to within inches of The Woman's nose - and begins to vigorously scratch his cheap suit wearing, backrest-in-Woman's-face sliding, extra-bag-of-peanuts-and-the entire Diet Coke demanding ass.
For what seemed like an HOUR.
Does he have fleas? Crabs? Body lice? Who the HELL knows but this guy was one itchy motherfucker.
The Woman's reward for this travel atrocity? Three days and nights in beautiful downtown Jersey City.
I was SO bad in a previous life. I really hope it was worth it.
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But really, thanks for the laugh... I needed it. I just came home from work to find a lake in my kitchen. And we can't get a plumber until Wednesday.