End of Days - Part II

I have a bone to pick with Sts. Matt, Mark, Luke and John.

Well, not so much the picking of bones...and nits...as a request for the addition of a 13th sign of the end of the world.

So, from what I remember of vacation bible school, signs of End Times include, among other things, a single world currency and a single "pure" language as well as the rise of the "Evil One."

Check, check and check.

Single world currency? Arms. Weapons are de facto currency. Is there an unarmed country on Earth? Hell, even the Swiss have knives and fondue forks.

Single pure language? Binary code, my friends. Ones and zeros.

Rise of the Antichrist? I give you...Windows Vista.

My addition to these signs is this: Man will be enslaved by the fleece of a false creature.

The Snuggie.

I thought - THOUGHT - I understood the extent to which Snuggies had infiltrated society, but the illusion was shattered while I was standing in line at Walmart the other day.

There, on the home field of evil, two kids - boys aged maybe 12 and 14 - practically BEGGED their mother for Snuggies for Christmas. For Christmas. As gifts. They didn't beg for Halo 47, didn't beg for Megan Fox bed sheets. They begged for Snuggies.

Since when do preadolescent boys plead for synthetic, sleeved blankets? Seriously. Even NFL-emblazoned Snuggies aren't whine-worthy. How do you explain this? Hell, how do you explain Snuggies worming their human contact-destroying way into popular culture?

The First Chicago Snuggie Pub Crawl? Really? I'm guessing everyone went home alone that night.

Snuggies for dogs? Snuggies for babies? Whatever happened to keeping warm by cuddling?

Pure evil.

And is it a coincidence that these things look like clerical robes? I think not.

Consider yourselves warned, people. These are dark times.

Be strong. Do not fall to temptation!

And if you already own a Snuggie, REPENT! Get thee to a department store and buy a natural wool blanket! Throw it over yourself and your loved ones and cuddle! For the love of God, CUDDLE!