I can't afford to miss any more days...

After FOUR days in bed WITH A FEVER, I am an expert on a lot of things that explain what's wrong with the world today. JEEZ...is there a STUPID test you have to take to make television fodder?

Commercials are one of my favorite things on the planet, done right. (Budweiser frogs?) Done wrong? Can we say: Won't be buyin' THAT? Take (please) the Swiffer "Love Stinks" commercials with the jilted mop. Painfully intriguing the...first...time I saw it. Just painful thereafter. Creeps me out. Dirty mops stalking tidy women...is that REALLY what my life is supposed to be about? (If you know me, that's a rhetorical question. Which doesn't need an answer.)

Or the Progresso soup can thing? Ummm...that was interesting (not) when we were kids but...WHAT? The entire POINT of talking through two soup cans connected with a string was to figure out that...it doesn't work. At all. And what does that have to do with soup? Soup is supposed to taste good. Through your TASTE BUDS which are in your MOUTH and not your ears or...this one is just wrrooonnng. And dumb.

So then I switched to my old standby...bad bug movies. Only, it's October so instead of showing...oh, wait. Side trip here: The Nice Kid was home sharing-the-love/sickness Friday and they were showing OLD Twilight Zones and...this series should be required viewing for all responsible citizens. She learned more about the horrors of the Holocaust and the wonders of libraries and the injustices of the world in one afternoon of misery than in an entire week of formalized education. Or vice versa. I'm just sayin'.


Television viewing doesn't have to ADD to your life (although it's nice when it does) but for PETE'S SAKE...don't let it DETRACT. The Bad Bug Movies? Whatever happened to Shock Theatre? I went online to find out and turns out...those black and white horror films we watched on Friday nights when I was a kid? They're gone. Physically deteriorated in the studios and warehouses in California. I remember snippets...one that stays with me was a B&W where a mad doctor kept waylaying travelers and transplanting his daughter's head onto fresh bodies. And then, because justice always prevails, the tower he worked in burned down and he went straight to hell. In good movies...there is a point and the good guy wins. You want angst? Stick to real life.

No sex. No one standing in place for an indefinite amount of time in order to give the sword-welder time to chop off his head and the camera-wielder time to navigate into position. No one TURNING AROUND to go back into the cursed church to save his high school ring. No ass, boobs or tongues. Just covert death and evil and that's where death and evil are SUPPOSED to be...NOT. IN. MY. FACE. Hiding covertly (which is what covert things do) away from all the nice women having illicit romances with dirty mops. Or something.

Obviously, I am OFF television for a while. Having given in to extensive antibiotics yesterday, I am (ooops!) feeling amazingly better today. Worrying about missing welding class tonight because if I DO I'll (gasp) miss intro to mig welding. And mig welding is my DREAM.

As opposed to a lusting dirty mop. I'm just sayin'.

Image Credit: MST3K


Country Girl said…
If we're lucky, City Girl will add a particularly apt graphic to this post. She's good at that. I'm going back to cough into my pillow.
City Girl said…
No pressure!

Here you go. Feel better!
Nina said…
Oh, I hope the ebola virus/bubonic plague lifts soon!
Sunny said…
I agree TV sucks now...most of the time. We have 129 channels and nothing to watch.
Some days I get so bored with it I can't stand it any more.
But today on Turner Classic, they ran a series of old 40's film noir.
They were great, perfect for a rainy day.
Hope you are feeling better soon.
Kwizgiver said…
I'm relieved I'm not the only one that finds the Swiffer ads annoying.

Hope your mig welding class was as great as you anticipated!

Kim said…
stopped by to mingle and read this posting nodding in agreement. i miss those old films. oh! and the pic you've added... i SO love Mystery Science Theater 3000 (formerly 2000 until we actually hit the year 2000 and they changed it). My kids and I actually found an old Godzilla movie on TV the other night and watched it MST3000 style adding our own quipy commentary.