A Protestant in the Lord's court...

...or me at mass.

Never mind that I've had a kid in Catholic school for...'94. How long's that been? Fifteen years? Everytime I go to mass, someone threatens to brand a large "P" on my forehead because...I keep getting confused. Or in this morning's case, when my mom was there, too...tickled. We good lapsed Methodists seem to be a little short on reverence. Or at least, slow learners.

Catholics still take communion from a communal cup (you think?). And in this day and time (there were only five kids present in pre-K because of illness) this just freaks OUT some Methodists. Methodists use those tiny little individual glasses in silver holders...although now, they're plastic and we just throw them away each week.

So Father picks up the first chalice, fills it with wine and then...pours in a few drops from another bottle. My mother leaned over and said, "I hope to GOD that was an antibiotic." And I snickered, "Well, in HERE it is. Holy water." We snorted and laughed into our hands and enjoyed ourselves immensely. We may be IGNORANT but hey, we're funny.

THEN, they say the Lord's Prayer. Now, I shut my kids up about this REAL quick a long time ago. But. Protestants have a phrase, "For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever," stuck onto the end of the Lord's Prayer. So you can always TELL where the Protestants are sitting because, after "Deliver us from evil," the Catholics STOP. And the Methodists keep praying. It's possible we need more help ;)

First time my kids ever complained I explained in NO uncertain terms...IT'S THE LORD'S PRAYER. They had it first.

But we still forgot and kept going and then snickered at our ignorance some more. Sheesh...you can't take some people ANYWHERE.

When it was over, I felt better. (Mean Girl dilemmas in The Institution.) Fourth grade (The Not Nice Kid's class) held mass today, which means our kids read and sang. After attending one of these masses you KNOW why Catholics are always Catholics...the kids are involved from day one. It's not like Methodists, where the kids are expected to show up, shut up and sit down...mass is a communal effort and at some point in time, everyone participates. It works very well.

And besides, these parents pack coolers for BIRTHDAY PARTIES. You gotta love them that are right with God. I know I'm fortunate to have known them.


Governor Jen said…
If it makes you feel any better, the wine has to be between 11% - 22% alcohol, and NOTHING but backwash is living in that.

Which, by the way, is why I stopped serving communion when I moved to my church. After communion if you have wine left, you can either pour it in a special hole that goes directly to the dirt (consecrated ground), OR if your church doesn't have that, you have to drink the dregs. Now THAT'S gross.

As for the last line in the Lord's Prayer, my mom converted from Congregationalism when she married my dad 43 years ago, and she still screws up occassionally. :-)
Country Girl said…
We also hooted over that...a couple of years ago I walked out of WalMart when The Nice Kid picked up a 12-pack of beer and THEY WOULDN'T SELL IT TO ME. We nearly lost it this morning...wondering if WALMART knows a nine-year-old carried the sacrament?
Tendrils said…
OMG! I was laughing so hard reading your post! I grew up Catholic (even went to Catholic school - then taught 3 years at a Catholic school) but I am now Methodist. :) That communal cup creep sme out when I go back home to church with my mom and dad!
City Girl said…
Okay, even *I* - not that I'm the best Catholic in the world - don't drink from the chalice. Sorry, Jesus, but the flesh is going to have to be enough. I just can't do the communal blood.
City Girl said…
Also, I grew up a Cultural Catholic - as in, my mother refused to take us to mass or CCD. As a result, all the prayers my born-in-the-40s parents taught me were pre-Vatican II.

I still catch myself saying "forgive us our sins" instead of "forgive us our trespasses." Try explaining that screw up when you're clearly not a baby boomer.
Mrs. Gamgee said…
My church (Lutheran) usually offers both common cup (the chalice) and individual glasses. I have never been a fan of sharing a cup so I usually avoid it, and I was not heartbroken when our pastor told us a couple of weeks ago that we won't be using common cup until after flu season is over.

As for the Lords Prayer... we always have a funny moment or two when the Pastor decides to have us say the 'contemporary' version rather than the 'King James' version.
Gabrielle said…
Love this!