You do NOT want to go there....

It was one of those things that...happen. One minute you're cruising and the next...all hell breaks loose.

It was a kid's basketball game. Girls basketball. (But my girl can whip your boy...just ask him.) We won...The Not Nice Kid scored the winning goal in overtime. If you don't believe in levitation? You ought to see a bunch of fourth-graders come in off the court after a game like this one...floating on air. It was AWESOME. They were high-fiving every living thing within slapping distance.

An aside...I have a really cool camera, with an awesome sports lens, both of which were purchased under the influence of margaritas and the BEST damn impulse buy I EVER made. I take pictures of EVERYTHING, and I take them for EVERYONE. I spent most of Thursday uploading action shots from the new SportsPlex for the city to use. While I was looking for this mis-labeled file of pictures I started a search and according to that little dog who searched my computer, there are 140,953 photographs on here. Equal opportunity photographer. You want pictures of your kid? Call's on here somewhere.

Keep in mind...this is really funny NOW. Whacko funny. But at the time? WTF?

We were leaving the gym and I had stepped outside to wait on my kids when this female walks up and says, "Why was your daughter taking pictures of my child?"

At that point, the surreal shit kicked in. I looked over my shoulder to see to whom she was SPEAKING, but damn if it wasn't ME. And being a little slow and a little excited and a little happy, I said, "What?"

And then the fight started.

According to this stranger, The Nice Kid, who had taken the camera after the game to get a team photo, had deliberately been taking pictures of this woman's daughter.

"I SAW her focusing in," she insisted.

At first, I just sort of blew it off. No, we weren't. Taking pictures of ANY specific child. "There are probably over 400 pictures on there from tonight," I assured her. "If you'll give me an email address, I'll send you some."

Wrong. Do NOT go bein' nice to The Idiots. Gets you NOWHERE.

Situation went from bad to worse. The woman is insistent...we are equally so. It had stopped being funny, and the woman was getting...threatening. TNK had walked outside, and when the woman jumped HER, TNK started crying. I started raising my voice.

The woman said, "I WILL be calling your administration in the morning." And just then I looked up and coming out the door was...The Administration. So I pointed and said, "You don't HAVE to...there's my principal."

This is actually the funniest part of the night. Our principal is drop-dead gorgeous. Classically so. Her daughter is on our team. She walked out of the gym, still on cloud nine with her daughter, and here stand a bunch of angry women, pointing at her. I honestly believe her mouth fell open. I know mine would have.

I started to explain, when the woman broke in...belligerently, I might add. TNK is crying, the principal is staring dumbfounded, I'm insistent and the woman is...crazy as batshit. Crazy. As. Batshit.

Just as things started to get interesting, the other team's coach came out of the gym and stopped things in their tracks. "This is OVER," she said, and marched the belligerent woman up the hill. We went back in the think I'M going out into that dark parking lot with Psycho Bitch out there? The coach came back and kept us there for an extra 15 minutes...apologizing. Turns out, this woman gets her jollies causing "problems;" seems she did the same thing when THIS child didn't get the same jersey number as the OLDER child.

Are you SERIOUS??????

We finally got in our car and on the way home, both kids crying. Took a couple of miles, but we started turning it around. Pointing out the funnies. Laughing at our imitations. Called and told Grandmother. Perfected our imitations. Embellished some.

Turns out, the next day the OTHER administration called to apologize. To us. No apology's over and it's funny now and know that picture I had? Of that woman's daughter, arms extended, ball six inches off her fingertips, feet three inches off the floor? Soaring?

Deleted that sucker. Into the Recycle Bin, and then emptied it. You want pictures? Take your own because as it turns out?


Damn well better hope MY kid isn't on YOUR videotape...and since MY kid scored eight of the 12 points? You might want to DELETE that game.

I'm just sayin'.

Before someone goes Psycho Bitch on you.


hswilkinson said…
It's probably good that I don't have kids and don't have to deal with such situations, because I WOULD LOSE IT. Good on you for not going off. There are a lot of dumb parents out there trying to suffocate their precious little snowflakes.
Country Girl said…
What's that saying? "Kids are God's way of punishing you for having sex?" HOWEVER, the good DOES outweigh the bad. It's the PBMoms who mess it up! ;)
Lora said…
this is exactly what I'm not looking forward to when I put my son (providing he goes willingly!) into sports next year!

the moms at the playground are bad enough!
Mrs. Gamgee said…
Just two words... oy vey! I'm glad that your kids were able to find the funny in it.
Country Girl said…
I should have qualified my bitchin'...99% of the sports parents are the BEST. I think that's what threw me so badly about this woman...there I stand, a mom with a camera and you...what?
Melissa said…
::blink blink::

Wow. That is batshit. She was just looking to kill your buzz from the win. Beyotch.
Nina said…
I swear, we can't take you anywhere! I probably would have gone off too, or maybe just walked away looking at her like she'd just escaped from the loony bin and was looking for her houseshoes. What the hell are you talking about would have come out of my mouth several times, too, probably. Definitely delete the game, pics, whatever. Guano infested insanity is my medical diagnosis.
Dory said…
Certified Guano Maniac. 100%.