Politics, Religion and Sex

As you've probably noticed, people in the US discuss politics with strangers as casually and comfortably as Sarah Palin shoots baby Harbor Seals.

(I think I just made my point with that comment).

Politics is no longer a taboo topic of conversation - even though it might should be.

Following that train of thought, people in smaller towns, in ALL regions of the US (and possibly Canada although I am loathe to imagine my favorite national peoples ever being impolite) think nothing of introducing themselves to you by informing you of their church affiliation.

They follow up this bit of TMI by asking you where you go to church. Regardless of your answer they invite you to visit their church homes where they - bless their hearts - are absolutely certain you'll be much happier.

"Hi! I'm Carol! My family and I go to First Church of the Underwater Fire Eaters! You should visit! You would love it there!"

The not-even-veiled implication being that your church is not acceptable in her eyes, she cannot IMAGINE how you could spend time in such an unacceptable environment, and SURELY you can't possibly be happy there. You poor, unenlightened fool.

How is this acceptable? In a society where we're not supposed to talk about sex, religion or politics in mixed company, how is it that people are completely at ease (picture bloody baby Harbor Seals) accosting you about your worship practices?

So I, naturally, have hatched a plan to nip this shit in the bud.

The next time someone asks me where I go to church, I am going to ask him or her which position they favor during sex.

Regardless of his/her answer, I'm going to offer up an alternative.

If they don't run screaming, I'll hand them a cheap paperback version of the Kama Sutra and say, "I believe that by reading this, and letting the words into your heart, your life will be changed."

And walk away smiling.


Amy said…
Very funny! I'll have to remember that. Of course, for some reason, I STILL don't get asked about church or to go to church. Maybe it's because I'm always talking about sex?
Comet Girl said…
I don't understand why you should get so upset over someone trying to make sure you don't burn in Hell for all eternity. They are being very thoughtful, I think.

But, you could always put band-aids on your hands and tell them, "I was born a snake handler, and I'll die a snake handler"!
Tom said…
This is why I. Love. You.

I still love Dory more, but still...