For reasons we won't go into here...

...I woke up in a field this morning. Now...I was in MY car, it's MY field, I was there on purpose and I wasn't breaking any laws but...a field.

And people, I am here to tell you...forget church...God is all OVER Him some country landscaping. He showed up first, all pink and streaky on the horizon. Then He glinted across the field when He hit the sun and frost.

He came down a fence row and cavorted all OVER that field, His white tail bobbing. And then He crackled some when the sun hit the frozen edges of the pond.

I was awed. And I wasn't mad anymore ;)

(Who am I kidding? OF COURSE we'll go into it here. SOME IDIOT decided that our private elementary school and the public high school into which it feeds would have their Christmas presentations on the same night. My parents were in Nashville. The Big Boy's parents are incapable. TBB (who will be referred to from here on out at That Idiot I'm Married To) had been in South Louisiana all week. He was supposed to be coming home yesterday. One kid said he'd be home at three pm. The other said he'd leave New Orleans at three pm. No biggie...he'll call.

He didn't.

I have one kid at one school, one kid at another school and a husband too damn DUMB to either 1) answer his phone; 2) stop and call and tell me he's 1) lost his phone, 2) lost his charger, 3) forgotten my number; or 3) too stupid to realize he does NOT need to be pissing me off about this. I haven't missed a child's school presentation in THIRTY years and I essentially missed both last night.

So, after I waited THIRY MINUTES after The Nice Kid's program for her to come out, only to find out the TIIMT was not only AT her program, where I was, and apparently TOO DAMN COOL to be seen where the parents were, but he had taken her and LEFT. And gone to pick up The Not Nice Kid, who was frantically calling me every 30 seconds wanting to know who was picking her up.

When they all three ended up in the same car? I didn't. End up in the same car, the same vicinity, the same house or the same bed. I have friends in low places. Lots of them. I walked in and asked for a drink and a divorce and they made the first one so well I forgot about the second one.

(Not enough to go home, but I was calmer. Talk about slow learners ;(

And then he did it again. My friend is here, trying to help me get this kitchen and the bathrooms fit for human use. Phone rang. And rang. And rang. I texted him and told him to leave me along. He called. And called. And when I finally answered it to SHUT HIM UP? He was still in town. "How 'bout I run by and pick you up for a quick blowjob? You'll be back in 20 minutes."

It's not me, people. I'm the only sane person in this bubble.


carl said…
No you just didn't. Did you? We should have came and "Branched Out" a little.
City Girl said…
You really had me going for a minute there with all the talk of Frosty Majesty.

We could begin referring to TBB as "Tim." As in TIIM. As in The Idiot I Married.

"Nice to meet you. What's your husband's name?"

Comet Girl said…
Husbands. You can't kill them. Not without becoming the primary suspect.
Country Girl said…
It got funnier...the field I was in? No one wants that deer stand because............THERE AREN'T ANY DEER IN THAT FIELD!! Oh, and Carl...hell, no. At least...not the first time ;)
carl said…
You can't see through the computer,but I'm laughing so hard I just wet myself.