I'm coming! I'm coming!

...actually, I'm just breathing hard.

AHHH hahahahaha. That would be me, cracking myself up.

Actually, I'm coming down from one of those days where I'm looking around wondering...what the HELL is wrong with everyone???? Where did all these mean people come from? And why? Why be mean when you can be artificially nice with less effort?

I smile at everyone. I don't mean "sort of." I smile. WalMart. Foodland. Hobby Lobby. The co-op. Today? RiteAid. If my ordinary, mother-of-the-year look doesn't get you, then surely some crazy 50-something bitch wandering around retail land grinning like the Cheshire car should. If you don't want to be my friend, get out of the way.

And you would think that smiling at someone, as you pass them, headed to the booze, would make the world a better place. Second time in life this has happened to me...a well-groomed middle-age white female. Headed UP the aisle, on the left side. Only today, I was looking for something and she wasn't. And she was headed toward me, on the wrong side of the aisle. I KNOW she saw me. No one else on the aisle. She wasn't budging. Today? Neither was I.

We met. Nose to nose carts. I was looking at her, and I wasn't smiling. Me, who ALWAYS backs down from a fight unless I'm married to you. (Okay, maybe not ALWAYs, but most of the time.) And I swear, she looked me straight in the eye and said, "Am I in your way?"

Last time this happened, I muttered something and left. Today? I AM SICK AND TIRED OF SMILING AT SHITTY PEOPLE. I'm tired of it!!! There is NO reason not to be nice to mean people; it takes no effort. But today?

I smiled. I smiled real big. And then I said, in a very polite voice as I pulled my cart over and, wearing my pearls and my cowboy boots, "Traffic to the right, bitch. Traffic to the right."

It is highly possible this woman is head of the local Red Cross. Or chairman of the women's auxiliary somewhere. Or like, an anonymous benefactor. But today? SHE WAS ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE AISLE.

And I'm tired of smiling at mean people.



Nina said…
You don't just crack yourself up! You crack me up too! How funny!
City Girl said…
This is why you are loved by the masses. Mmmmwwwaaahhh!