So, where are the DT's?

A while back City Girl and I did that thing we do...she called one day and said, "Hey, you ever think about doing a cleanse?" two days after I had ordered Clean, by Alejandro Junger. We're good that way.

But talk about it was all we really did...unless her traveling ass has kicked into gear and she's all clean and healthy and she just forgot to tell me. We talked about different types and times and reasons and so on. I originally thought I could pull off the 10-day Master Cleanse, right before Christmas. I even bought the stuff. I was wrong. Too many obligations involving too much food and too few chances to bow out should the need arise. I just kept eating.

CG thought she would try a weekend. Just a weekend, to sort of purge during the holiday festivities. Then we talked about doing an extended cleanse at the new year.

We didn't.

The simplest cleanse I read about, and also one of the oldest, was the Master Cleanse. I had the stuff. I did NOT have the motivation or the intentions are always better than my accomplishments. So yesterday, Saturday, when I was sitting here with the paper, Sudoku and the computer, and I realized it was Saturday which around here means all-day party...I realized it was time for a cold beer. And for some reason known ONLY to the Lord because I am CLUELESS...I thought, "Well, why not just mix up a cup of that stuff and sip on it. In and among the various alcoholic beverages that Saturday calls for."

And I did. And because it was a rare Saturday, with nothing to do and no where to go, I did it all day. All. Frigging. Day. Just the mix...nothing else. Made soup for the rest of the inmates and...sipped. ALL DAY!!!!

Number one best trick...I LIKE the stuff! That's always been my problem with's a habit. I walk around all day with a glass/bottle/can/whatever in my hand. I don't like sweet. Water gets old.

Beer is good.

So the only thing I LIKE to, wine or bourbon...isn't that good for me and has a lot of calories when consumed in quantities and I do EVERYTHING in quantities so...wasn't working out too well. This stuff is lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne. Pepper. I KNOW!!!! Three of Gourmet magazine's top ten favorite ingredients in one place! (Not really...I made that up. Editorial license.)

Anyway. I bought the syrup and cayenne at the health food store and I don't know what maple syrup is supposed to taste like so I don't know about it, but the cayenne is AWESOME. The recipe calls for "1/10 teaspoon, or as much as you can stand," and I've been using 1/4 teaspoon and it's this lovely tart-sweet-smoky beverage and...I did it another day. Today. If I go to bed without thumbing through a couple of cookbooks or perusing food ideas on Pinterest and losing my motivation, I will have done it for two days. WITHOUT EVEN MEANING TO!!

I still don't mean to. Part of me keeps thinking, no way. But then the other part, the part that's watching the years slide away and realizing, well, that the years are sliding away, checked the datebook. And not only do I not have to be ANYWHERE this week, I don't have to be anywhere next weekend. Two weekends in a row, at home...hasn't happened in forever. I COULD, if I wanted to, do the entire ten days.

Of course, I don't. But I could.

My tongue is white, which is supposed to mean your body is shedding toxins. I feel okay, even though today and tomorrow are supposed to be the worst days. (If I were doing it. Which, of course, I'm not.) Weight loss on this is negligible (even though it runs about 10 pounds) because it's water weight, which comes back. And I'm not a low-calorie or low-fat person, my body likes low carbs with protein, so this doesn't sound like something I should be doing. But then again, it's only ten days. What if it really DOES flush out all the things that have been causing all my auto-immune disorders? What if I don't walk around with a red burning peeling face, or what if my joints don't ache all the time?

It's only ten days.

AHHHHHH!!! Maybe instead of one day at a time, I'll do sections of the day. Just til noon. Just til school's out. Just til dark.

Man, this grown-up shit sucks.