The Redneck Button

Posted for CountryGirl who is at the beach this week and whose vacation - as you might suspect - is not going as planned....

We need a better class of tourism.

Went to buy a bathing suit yesterday. Not that I'm going to be SEEN in it, but I put it on under a cover-up and then sat under an umbrella on the beach all afternoon.

We were standing in the checkout line and there were these little bins full of all this...stuff. Stuff for your kids to whine about while you're waiting in line and stuff you give in and buy just to SHUT THE LITTLE DARLINGS UP. There was one checkout girl and about nine people in line, but we were all on vacation and not being pissy or anything. And one of the bins had these plastic packages with these big red buttons in them. The label said, "Redneck Button."

The Not Nice Kid (of course) picked up a package, pushed the button, and this voice from my hometown screams out..."GET OFF THE CELLPHONE, DICKHEAD!"

No lie.

There was a frozen second and then...everyone in the line CRACKED UP. I mean, it was SO unexpected and SO out of place and...we just lost it. As my face turned a scarlet color not found in nature. I turned around to face the counter when I heard this buzzing sound behind me and I whirled around and screamed, "DON'T YOU..." only to find myself staring at a wide-eyed six-year-old I'd never seen before holding a fake machine gun. NOT the redneck button and DEFINITELY not my child.

Everyone fell over laughing again.

We told the story over and over can take the rednecks out of the country? But you can't take the rednecks ANYWHERE.

Editorial Note: I am seriously considering converting to Islam - just for the bathing suits. Seriously - even *I* could wear the swimsuit in that image. - CG2


Nina said…
Aaaaaaah. I say let it all hang out. You're on vacation, and you can't look any worse than the people on the beach in thong speedos and black socks with sandals, and those panama hats that all men over the age of 40 think are cool. Sometimes all three rolled into one! Don't those guys know to stick to ball caps? Where are their wives? At least you have enough sense to wear a bathing suit that, you know, covers everything.
Mrs. Gamgee said…
Fabulous little tale! And I concur about that groovy suit, even I would be ok in that one!
The Peach Tart said…
I agree to let it all hang out. You're never going to see any of these people on the beach again so who cares.
The redneck button is awesome And I actually want to be Indian so that I can wear a sari all the time. They are always so flattering.
Comet Girl said…
Just think of the spf factor alone. I wonder what it would look like with my big, floppy straw hat and giant sunglasses?
Alicia said…
haha!! that bathing suit has sex appeal oozing out of every pore! i don't know if all the men folk could handle that kind of temptation...
Mrs Zeee said…
Nice surprise! I would have been rollin' if I heard that!
What a bizarre thing to sell.

But looking at that bathing suit, all I can think of is how the fabric would stick to your skin with a film of sweat and salt. Yigh.